Too Quick to Give Up on a Relationship?

Here is what has been eating away at me. I have two friends that have been giving each other the silent treatment for a month now. All because of the same stupid, small issue, according to one of them. We can't get the other side of the story, because the other half of the couple has refused to show her face since the fight. All we know is that every once in a while, they will go back to that same issue and an argument will erupt again. After many phone calls, the MIA friend finally answered one of our calls. She refused to show up for her beau's birthday get-together, saying that their relationship had no future.

So since hearing that, I have been thinking about what makes relationships work, and what doesn't. Everybody knows what makes relationships work, right? You have to work at it. And if you don't, well, it falls apart. I know most of you who have been in a committed relationship or marriage for a while can relate that there are some things that you just argue about all the time. And in the long run, you learn which buttons not to push. My husband and I have had our share of fights. For years, there was this one thing we constantly bickered about. But after also being together for 11 years, we have learned to let it go. We are a couple, we are not personality twins. And there are just some things that we will never be able to agree on. After 11 years, we have finally made peace with that.

I don't even know what the divorce rate is at this time. Is it one out of four marriages that fail? One out of three? Or half of marriages? I can't keep track of these numbers, because they constantly seem to be changing. I've heard that this is due to the breakdown of values in our society. Or the increasing level of stress that people are under, compared to past generations. Is it really? I don't believe so. What I do believe, is that we have become a society of people who want instant gratification, but don't want to work for it for even a little bit. And I don't take credit for this "non-discovery", of course. I am stating what a lot of people already know. But think about it. Relationships are not easy. They are probably one of the hardest things in this life. It seems like we all know that, but few of us are willing to put in the work for it. We put up with annoying co-workers and jerky bosses everyday. But when it comes to the one that we are supposed to love the most, we come up short on patience.

I truly believe that so many relationships could be changed if we could all keep this one in mind at all times. You know that phase when the relationship was brand new, and we were all on our best behaviors because we wanted the other person to think the world of us? Why do people slowly let that fade away to less than proper table manners, or less enthusiasm for what your partner has to say? Feel free to fill the blank with whatever your partner nags to you about. The obvious answer is, "well, we've been together so long! I don't need to act that way anymore, because we know each other so well." Really? So the longer you have been together, the more years of life that you share, the more life you build together, the less you need to be considerate and respectful of your partner? That's what it basically boils down to. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Here is this person, who have stuck with you for years. And you reward him/her by being increasingly indifferent to them? Does that make sense? Now I know at this point, there are some out there who are thinking: it shouldn't be this hard. Relationships should not take "fighting" for. Well, WHOO-HOO for you! All you need now is a long-lost rich relative to leave you a large inheritance so that you don't have to work hard to keep food on the table and a roof over your heads. Then you are all set, and you and the other half of your effortless marriage can skip off into the sunset.

I know I am ranting, here. And I know I sounds a little cynical, which I swear I am not... usually. I am just truly disheartened. I am just perplexed that someone who has been through so much together, like my friends, can say that her relationship of 11 years has "no future". An 11 day old relationship can have no future. An 11 month old relationship can have no future. But I'm sorry. An 11 year old relationship is past the "no future" point. So that last argument was the straw that broke the camel's back? No, it's not. That camel's back would have broken years ago, if it was meant to be broken. What really gets me is their attitude. Both of them are just sitting back, thinking that the other will call. They are not sitting by the phone at home, or holding their cell phones, anxiously waiting for the other to call. Oh, no, no. They are perfectly relaxed, believing, KNOWING that the other will call. And that is what bothers me. They are so relaxed that "taking each other for granted" is the major understatement of the decade.

Please, please, those of you out there. I plead with you. It's easy to say relationships take work. But how many people actually take the challenge and fight for their relationship? I know that most people who end up divorced did not work hard enough at their relationships. I HOPE that most people who end up divorced did not work hard enough at their relationships. Because if this is where we are at as a nation after working hard at our marriages, what would happen if we stopped working at it? Everyone would know someone who is divorced. Tons of kids would be shuffling back and forth, from parent to parent. Christmas with mom, new year's with dad... Oh, wait. Isn't that the way things are right now?