Top 10 Diet Myths of the Year

Well, hear we are at the end of 2009. We are another year older, and hopefully, another pound or twenty lighter. Why shouldn't we be? After all, we never gave even a passing thought to some of those irrational diet myths that found their way into the tabloids and Tab soda filled craniums of so many others who just never seemed to make it onto the path of wellness and healthy weight loss this year.

Let's take a moment now to review the top 10 diet myths of the year. It will be a fun way to put a final kibosh on their existence and lay their unhealthy potentially harmful messages to rest.

Top 10 Diet Myths of the Year:

1. It is OK to eat nothing but cabbage and red gummy bears for a 3 month period.
FALSE
I thought this went away after the sad Alpha Chi Omega incident involving
those 28 sorority sisters who were all majoring in the History of Wisconsin
Crafts.

2. Epsom Salt is a wonderful substitute for iodized table salt.
FALSE
Nothing can really take the place of good old fashion salt from a shaker shook
good and hard, especially when it get shaken over a big fat t-bone steak.

3. The nitrates in fast food hamburger comes from earth worms.
FALSE
We now know and appreciate the fact that those nitrates come from garden
slugs and USDA allowable mouse droppings.

4. You can't digest your fingernails.
FALSE
Well, kind of false. You see, there has never been a definitive study made on the
long term disposition of fingernails once they are in your stomach. So, we say that
until such a study is completed and published in the National Enquire, go ahead,
chew 'em down to the quick and wash 'em down with Kool-aid! In other words...
ENJOY!

5. Hair delivers no nutritional value.
FALSE
Our old friend logic tells us that it really depends upon what the hair has been added
to and the recipe as a whole. So, once again, trim that out of control mullet and boil
up some delightful, hairy, cabbage stew. ENJOY!

6. After 2-3 days, room temperature chicken makes a great weight loss promoting
Laxative.
FALSE
Although it might seem like a good idea, most people find that the extra calories
consumed with the traditional 2-3 day old, room temperature refried beans negates
any benefit the chicken might have proffered. And it really does taste funny in a not
so yummy way most of the time.

7. If you want a healthy snack, suck on a raw ham bone.
FALSE
Tempting as it might sound, a ham bone sucking will often cause you to want
to slurp some heavy cream or the old French country boy's favorite which
translated loosely as the "juice of a lactating Sow". Now those are calories that
tend to hang around much too long after the indulgence has been forgotten.

8. Never eat a scabby turkey.
FALSE
Those scabs under your "tom's" feathers just prove that your blotchy bird
was healing like he was intended to do. So pick off those scabs and carve some
almost all white meat. Hint: Those scabs are made of the very same
things as the rest of that vulture cousin. Give 'em a try sometime. ENJOY!

9. Never consume a pet after it has received euthanasia.
FALSE
As my dear old granny used to say, " The meal that a boy won't soon forget, is the
one that comes from a dear passed pet." Again, ENJOY!

10. Soylent Green is made out of people.
FALSE
Soylent Green is a fictitious food from a 1973 science fiction movie starring
Charlton Heston. Thank goodness. It sounds just awful!