Top 10 Funniest New Year's Resolutions 2010

As we approach a new year we're reminded of the age old tradition of resolutions. What have I accomplished in 2009 that I set out to do one year ago? Absolutely nothing. So while we're both thinking of how we'll fail ourselves next year, here's my list of the top 10 funniest New Year's Resolutions for 2010.

10. Invent a product like "The Snuggie".

In one step, soil the family name and retire in shame with millions.

9.Start going to the gym or just accept things may jiggle.

If my running shoes saw half as much action as Tiger Woods this year, I'd be in the best shape of my life.

8.Stop deceiving men about my breast size.

What's a first date without two padded lies? Victoria's Secret is peddling a bra that add's 2 cup sizes. Seriously? That's just mean.

7.Stop talking about celebrities like I know them.

The Kardashians and I are not on a first name basis anywhere but inside my own mind.

6. Stop treating "work from home" ads like REAL opportunities.

Anything where my bath robe and computer are involved is probably not a legitimate form of income.

5. Stop using social networking sites to boost my ego.

Myspace and Facebook are basically social venn diagrams to compare your life to people you hated in high school. According to these pictures my high school sweetheart married a girl with a lazy eye. I can only smile about it for 3 seconds or less, any longer and I'm just a jerk.

4. Stop taking advice from grossly under qualified friends.

My best friend has been in a 4 year relationship with a guy who steals $20's from her wallet. She's officially not qualified to give blood let alone good advice.

3. Stop making it possible for my computer to ruin my life.
In the event of your death your cookies will sum up your entire existence. It's going to be hard to give a good eulogy once people know what you were "into".

2. Start flossing.

Brushing my teeth like a lunatic before my dentist appointment isn't fooling anyone and I'm blatantly insulting the intelligence of a medical professional with my less than stellar acting skills. Not cool.

1. Accept that no one from "Adult Friend Finder" is actually going to be your friend.

Ever.