Top 10 Signs it is Time to Lose Weight

10. You get winded just driving by a "walk" sign.
9. You step on the elevator and it jumps up a foot to compensate for your weight. (This happened to me the other day.)
8. You get on a talking scale and it sounds like an auctioneer (225, 250, 275, do I hear 300!)
7. Your pants size now matches your IQ.
6. Your daughter learns how to count to ten by using your chin.
5. Your diet advice from Atkins says, "Buy a cattle farm."
4. The "guess your weight" guy at the fair uses an Excel spreadsheet to figure yours.
3. Your cell phone beeps and the kid behind you in line says, "watch out, he's backing up."
2. You rent Sweatin' To The Oldies and the guy at Blockbuster offers your wife an umbrella and a mop.
1. You go in for surgery and they do not only a gastric bypass, but also a gastric turnpike and a couple of gastric sidestreets.