Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Public Intoxication Arrest

These are a few ways I've discovered over the years on how you can avoid being visibly intoxicated in public, and thusly arrested.

1. Keep food in your house that you like to eat late at night BEFORE you go out.
The majority of people that got DUI's and Public Intoxication Arrests were going to get food. To avoid this, simply stock up your refrigerator and make sure you eat a good meal before you go out drinking. I know it seems obvious, but when 3am rolls around and you are hurting for some grilled hamburgers and you don't have any....you'll see.

2. Don't park really far from the bar.
The second biggest reason people get Public Intoxication arrests is obvious intoxicated behavior during their long walk back to their car. Girls, if you're wearing heels, either make sure you can walk properly in them, or just take them off. I know its gross, but you'd look a lot better with gross feet and no arrest record than you would otherwise. Guys, don't offer to carry the girls on your back, because that could look suspicious to any officer hunting potential suspects to make his arrest quota for the month.

3. DO NOT PEE IN PUBLIC
No matter where you are, this will definitely get the attention of any nearby officer, and most likely lead in your arrest. Its happened to quite a few guy friends of mine who thought they could get away with it. Don't risk it, just go inside a gas station or hold it until you get home. Also, never ever pee on yourself. This is cause for immediate embarrassment and obvious intoxication.

4. Give short to the point answers.
If you get stopped by an officer on the street its important to remain focused and calm. If you start rambling off about your boyfriend dumping you or catching your girlfriend out with another guy, the officer is going to notice your speech pattern and smell the alcohol on your breath anyway, so give short answers.

5. Have a sober friend!
Its always good to have a sober friend anyway, but especially when in public and walking back to a residence or a car. You may need to lean on them, or let them talk to a cop that's questioning you. Plus, when you get to the car, they can drive you home as they recount all the stupid things you said that night!

6. DO NOT RUN
Any person running late at night, will cause attention to be drawn to them, and definitely catch the eye of any officer on patrol. You may think you're super fast, and think you can outrun an officer, and you might be able to. Yeah you just might be that fast, but he has a gun, and you know bullets are faster than humans.

7. Put your beer down at the bar.
Any person walking with an alcoholic beverage is immediately up for arrest in most cities, because of brown bag laws that make carrying an open container illegal. Brown bags don't often help either, because we all know what's in them.

8. Don't yell or fight a bouncer.
If they kicked you out, you obviously deserved it. If you didn't, you're still not getting back in, and fighting the bouncer is only going to make you look worse. Plus, you'll really regret the pounding that big guy would lay on you the next morning. If you think a hangover is bad, try being dropped on your nose face first.

9. Don't get in fights outside of bars.
Not only is this going to get you a Disorderly Conduct or an Assault charge, its going to really make you look drunk to any passing officer, and look like a giant punk to any girl you're with. Girls, when you get in fights at bars, people are actually afraid for the nearby observers much less either person in the fight. You girls are brutal, so any fight you get in outside of a bar is going to be loud and obvious, and will possibly draw a crowd. So if you see the girl that stole your boyfriend giving you the stink eye, just walk away. You're better off making fun of her behind her back than missing patches of hair anyway.

10. Don't fall asleep in public
This is an automatic trip to jail for most people if a cop finds you asleep on a bench in the city. If you got so wasted that a metal/wooden park bench felt better than being driven home to a bed, you're obviously too intoxicated to make good decisions. Don't worry, you'll get a free ride and a nice bench in the drunk tank. You'll be stiff and sore in the morning, but hey, at least you didn't attempt to drive home and kill anyone on the way.

Its never a good idea to puke in public, so sometimes you'll have to wait in the bar bathroom, if you did get that intoxicated, and hope you can expel enough alcohol to at least appear sober. Always stick with friends and try to be mindful of how much you have consumed. Drinking contests never make you cooler in the morning, so try to avoid that peer pressure if you can. Overall its best to never get caught with your pants down, and much better to have a sober driver available, but sometimes those are scarce so take these few tips while catching your cab. Never, ever drink and drive.