Top 10 White Elephant Gifts

10. Enema kit (least desired, most avoided, creates the biggest laughs)

9. Fruit Cake (a.k.a. Confectionous Vulgaris - lasts for years, perfect for "re-gifting")

8. Poinsettia (although beautiful, they are fragile, short-lived, poisonous)

7. VHS Tape Collection of The Lucy Show (sorry, they only came in black & white)

6. Hand Crafted plastic canvas tissue holder (great for your next yard sale)

5. $5 Gift Certificate for local greasy spoon restaurant (so many choices, so little Pepto)

4. Candy Land game (anyone can play, even with missing pieces)

3. Any "... for Dummies" book (nobody knows everything)

2. Subscription to Retirement Living (plan ahead at any age, or give it to Grandma)

1. Miniature Lava Lamp (total coolness for your bathroom)

Okay, White Elephant gift exchanges will turn even the most boring Christmas party into a roaring hit. Now that we have the best gifts listed, be creative. Go to your nearest consignment shop and let your imagination run wild. I had to list ten, because nobody would get past the first 25. Why did I choose the enema kit for #10? Because that was what I received the last time I left one of these hilarious gigs. A two-pack!

When it comes to wrapping up your treasure, be sure to hide the shape so nobody figures out what you brought. Wrap tiny objects in graduating boxes. Make them think they've gotten something huge! Try wrapping just a clue in a card. Make them search the room for the real prize. Mystery is always a fun twist.

The swap. This is your time to be manipulative, sneaky and 100 percent selfish. Just don't let Santa know! Keep your eye on the prize you most desire. If there is nothing your are really interested in...hey...maybe you know someone else who might really want it! Grandma might be able to use gift #10! Your elderly neighbor would truly love #6. Hey, I'd love #1!

No violence please! So, this isn't the game of spoons where you impale your competitors with your fingernails. Be patient, calculating. You know, steal what you can and go home with the spoils! It's Christmas! No really, be nice and don't pout. It's just a game!

If you do see someone crushed that they didn't get that Candy Land game, give it to them. Maybe they wanted one since they were a kid and never got one. Who knows. This may make you the best Santa ever. Above all. It's supposed to be fun, never serious and don't have high expectations. And by all means, have a very, Merry Christmas!