Top 10 New Year's Eve 2010 Resolutions for Tiger Woods

The year 2009 was almost a good year for billionaire golfer Tiger Woods. Unfortunately, for reasons that are still unknown to the world and TMZ, he had a car crash outside of his Florida Mansion, and the rest became the content of countless numbers of gossip television news shows. Here are the top 10 New Year's Eve 2010 resolutions for Tiger Woods.

10. Play some golf. Maybe that can keep my mind off of other things. Hmmm...now that I think about it... Get a second job. At the rate that all of these women are coming out and considering the additional $80 million I am giving my wife as part of the pre-nuptial agreement for staying with me, when I do get divorced my wife will be paying me alimony. That would just be uncool.

9. Remind everyone that at least I did said please on the voicemail I left whatever her name.

8. Fire whoever told me that this thing would die away if I avoided talking to the police. Obviously, that didn't work.

7. Find out whether I can get a group discount rate in divorce court.

6. Change my name to something that will not be catchy on the front of those gossip magazines. Hahaha, funny... "Thought we was a tiger but he's a cheetah." Don't quit your day job buddy.

5. Find someone else to move the attention away from me...what has Jon Gosselin been up to lately?

4. Hire an editor for my website. Like I told my wife, it was supposed to read "I've let my family down [even though I am completely innocent]...and I have had my share of transgressions [just to let my Swedish wife know which is American for this is all one big misunderstanding, but I will take responsibility for all of this mess because I'm a great guy...remember... and I love my wife and would never even think of cheating on her or having an affair, leaving voicemails on any random woman's voicemail that I was suspected....]

3. Hit my own self in the head with a golf club. Did I really say "this is Tiger" on the voicemail that I- someone else left. Well I guess I should be thankful that I'm not married to Lorena Bobbit.

2. Change my name from Tiger. Tiger has bad connotations, as in ready to pounce on any hot or available chick. How about Fluffy, as in soft, cuddly, and waiting to be petted...augghhhh on second thought, Tiger might be safe enough for now.

1. Hide all of my golfing clubs...better yet get a glass safe to put all the clubs in with a sign that reads "Do not use in cases of adultery, affairs, and late night/early morning arguments."