Top 10 New Years Resolutions for BUSH

10. This year, if any major natural disasters hit the country, make plans to be out of the country for a few days. This way, from a safe distance, I can pray to Jesus to save the people, even though Mom says the people in Mississippi are probably better off now because they were underpriviledged anyway.

9. Don't go hunting with Cheney.

8. Say the word "Freedom" as much as possible. It make people feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

7. Make sure not to invite Stephen Colbert to any more White House correspondence speeches. I can't believe he said I don't like facts. I love facts, and I hear them all the time on my favorite channel, Fox News. Like the fact that some people say the war in Iraq is going great.

6, Make sure all policies designed to spy on American citizens have names like "Patriot Act". Hopefully people will hear that name and think, "Well, I'm not being patriotic if I don't vote for this act!'

5. Find a new Evangelical consultant who is not one of them Homosexuals who are trying to destroy the American Family with their Homosexual Agenda.

4. Go see Toby Keith in concert. I love that song he wrote about bombing Iraq! See if we can get that changed to be the new national anthem.

3. Change the constitution so that I can run for another term. God appointed me to run this nation, and I intend to do so!

2. Build a giant wall around Amrican to keep out immigrants. This is our turf! We stole it fair and square.

1. Keep working on those hooked on phonics tapes so that maybe one of these days I'll learn how to read.