Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Disney Stars

Walt Disney once advised Annette Funicello to never bear her navel on screen. The poor old man would be desperately trying to roll over in his cryogenic casket if he knew what had become of his 21^st century Disney stars. Since Walt can't be here to advise them himself, I'll just have to do the dirty work for him.

1. Keep Your Clothes On

Honest to goodness, ladies. There are clever ways to get attention without catering to dirty old men. Vanessa Hudgens, Adrienne Bailon, Miley Cyrus... are there more? Please, children, keep your clothes on!

2. Opt For Beauty Instead of Trendy

Take a cue from Angelina Jolie. While other Hollywood celebrities are flashing flesh all over the place, Angelina always makes elegant choices when it comes to fashion. She is Hollywoods A list, why don't you aspire to be a little more like her?

3. No Stilettos Until You're 18

I stopped dead in my tracks when I was shopping at Target the other day. There as a poster of Hanna Montana/Miley Cyrus with red platform hooker heels. Nothing says "I'm Cheap" better than stripper shoes when you're only 15 years old.

4. Let Your Publicitst Run Your MySpace

This is another lesson learned from that trollop Miley Cyrus. If your publicist runs your MySpace page for you, your lingerie pictures won't end up on the hard drives of the aforementioned dirty old men. Unless you have an unscrupulous management team, but we all know that Hollywod would never endorse questionable management tactics (cough, cough).

5. No More Copycatting

Really, can you tell one Jonas Brother from the other? What's the difference between Cody Linley and Zac Efron? Demi Lovato, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, are you all sharing a voice box/stylist? You're all just plain boring, do something new in 2009.

6. Hair Extensions Are So Last Year

We can all see through your nappy weaves. Go au naturale in '09 instead.

7. Just Say No to Disneycest

Disneycest -- noun. sexual relations between people classed as being stars of Disney vehicles. I'm talking to you Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron, Selena Gomez and Nick Jonas, remember what happened to Justin and Britney? Think outside the Mousetrap when choosing your prom date.

8. Come Out of the Plastic Surgery Closet

Remember when Hilary Duff had her teeth done? Um, yeah, total barn doors. And remember when Ashley Tisdale had surgery on her "deviated septum"? Oh, please, you all ain't fooling anyone.

9. Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep

The Jonas Brothers wear "promise rings" to declare they will remain sexually pure until marriage. Again, let's learn from other people's mistakes on this one. Remember when Britney Spears said she was going to be a virgin until marriage? What a bunch of baloney! We don't believe you, Jonas Brothers, so stop living a lie.

10. Don't Invent Weird Publicity Stunts

Getting naked on the internet is pretty predictable. But some publicity stunts are just plain odd. Like when Orlando Brown went "missing" after a trip to 7-Eleven. He was magically un-missing eight hours later. What's that all about?