Top 10 New Years Resolutions for O.J. Simpson

The New Year is fast approaching. It is well known that this is a time of forgiveness, camaraderie, and a will to resolve and make things right. In the spirit of the season, I've put together a list of New Years Resolutions for Orenthal James Simpson. I know, I know. It's hard to imagine that a person as successful as O.J., (earning the title of "one of the most famous black men" in the world) would have room for improvement. I guess there comes a time in every man's life when he must decide if what he has is enough. I mean what with his longtime spokesman ship for Pioneer chicken - he did own 2 franchises … (although one was destroyed in the LA riots.) Guest starred as a host for SNL (and of particular interest, the only one not invited back to the shows 25th anniversary special back in '99.) A movie career spanning 3 lack luster "Naked Gun" movies. And lets not forget also responsible for the "Trial of the Century". A winner of the coveted Heisman Trophy (which was subsequently destroyed.) Yes, it's quite a life he's led. Despite all that, here are some things that you, "The Juice" might want to consider for this coming New Year.

New Years Resolution Number 10 ~ Write a thank you note to the state of California (specifically 12 jurors) for pulling off a hoax that would make David Blaine want to stick his head in a ball of water for a week - without the oxygen.

New Years Resolution Number 9 ~ Spend more time with Michael Jackson … child molester, murderer … child molester, murderer. I don't know, I think you have a good chance of looking like the lesser freak.

New Years Resolution Number 8 ~ Stop saying aloud the words "If the glove doesn't fit, and you think you should acquit, you must admit that you're an idiot." Followed by that sinister laugh.

New Years Resolution Number 7 ~ Still searching for the killer? Stop. He's in the bathroom mirror.

New Years Resolution Number 6 ~ Reevaluate that Ginsu knife endorsement. I'm pretty sure the book would've said it all.

New Years Resolution Number 5 ~ Write a new book titled "If I didn't do it, here's how I wouldn't have done it."

New Years Resolution Number 4 ~ Remember: Johnny Cochran is dead and 'aint no white man gonna help a shoulda been convicted black man.

New Years Resolution Number 3 ~ Give up golf, we all know about your slicing problem.

New Years Resolution Number 2 ~ Throw away your amended hit list duo including Rupert Murdoch and Harper Collins.

New Years Resolution Number 1 ~ Schedule interview with Nancy Grace and don't forget to load the shotgun.

I realize that these are easier said than done, but I hope you can find it within yourself to do what is right. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, you stupid, sorry son of a bitch.