Top 5 Bad Parenting Habits to Break

Unfortunately, children do not come with a handbook. The one page leaflet with which they send you home from the hospital covers the essentials of newborn care, but after that you are on your own. Parenting styles develop after time and are based on instinct, examples set before them and a desire to raise kindhearted, responsible and productive human beings that follow a basic code of moral conduct. With even the very best of intentions, negative habits can develop during the parenting process. Luckily, bad habits can always be broken and replaced with more positive ones. This article will discuss five common parenting habits that fall into the negative category.

Unfair Comparisons to Siblings
Each child is unique in their strengths and weaknesses. Some are neat and some are messy. Some excel academically, while others struggle to maintain a passing grade point average. Some excel at sports while others are drawn to music and the arts. Some children do what they are told the first time, while others are a bit more stubborn. Comparing one child to another in the family in an unfavorable way is usually borne from frustration. This habit is destructive to a child's self esteem and can erode the relationship between parent and child as well as between the siblings.

I have one daughter who is very neat and another who is quite messy. I strive to keep a clean and neat house and become impatient at times when my older daughter leaves her things around the house and refuses to help clean up after herself. Several times I implored her to take after her sister when my patience had reached the end. She later told me that it made her feel less loved than her sister. Since then I leave her sister out of it.

Yelling
Yelling can indeed become a habit. Once children reach the age where they assert their independence by not always doing what they told, yelling can begin to be the mode of communication between parent and child. Children become immune to the yelling and learn how to tune it out very early in life. This leads to more frustration on the part of the parent and a general unpleasantness in the household.

Retraining yourself to speak firmly but in a moderate tone can be done with a bit of effort and a true desire to live in a more peaceful and cohesive home. Deep breathing techniques and giving oneself a time out before resuming the discussion can do wonders towards meeting this personal goal. I am currently raising a teenager and a tween and often rely on these methods when butting heads with my daughters.

Expecting Respect Without Giving It
Some parents feel that they should be given the utmost respect from their parents, but fail to give it in return. Children are human beings and need to have their thoughts, opinions, and unique personality traits respected. The youngest members of the family revel in being asked to weigh in on current events and family decisions. They respond much better to be given a certain time frame to get chores and tasks done, rather than at a precise moment designated by a parent. In short, they are human beings, and while they certainly should be expected to revere those in authority, they should also be treated and communicated with in a respectful way.

Dismissing a Child's Emotions
Children's feelings and emotions over certain situations and events should never be trivialized. A fight with a friend, not being invited to a classmate's party or failing to secure a spot on a sports team may not seem like a very big deal to an adult, but it may feel like the end of the world to a child.

Young people need to be able to freely share their feelings at home. The world can seem like a very cold and cruel place at times, and we all need a soft place to land when life gets hard. Telling a young boy or girl that they shouldn't be sad or upset over an issue that seems minor to you can send the message that their feelings are not important. We all need to have our emotions validated and feel as though we are understood by those that love us the most.

Forgetting to Have Fun
Raising children can be very hard. Add in the financial responsibility and the endless tasks of running a home, and life can seem very overwhelming at times. Some days seem like a never-ending to-do list with not a moment to spare to play a game or share a joke. Having fun with our kids is a great stress reliever and helps to strengthen the family bond. It also creates wonderful memories that live on in our hearts and minds long after the moment has passed. Childhood goes so quickly and once that time of life is over, there is just no getting it back. A lovely afternoon of chasing butterflies together in the summer sun is far more enriching than a spotless house and a perfectly manicured lawn.