Top 5 Fast Food Restaurants

I'm a health nut. When someone tells me that I should eat healthier food, I tell them that they're nuts. I'm all for bettering your cholesterol intake and blood pressure, but I'm not strong enough to abstain from indulging in one of 's many pastimes…fast food! I love fast food. It's the only thing that I'm addicted to. I can't go too long without a grease fix or I start twitching and foaming at the mouth. Life is too short to go on a steady diet of dirt, twigs, and air. Give me lardaceous sewage or give me death!

To uphold my devotion to fast food, I've constructed a list of my five favorite fast food joints. B(cl)o(gged arteries)n appetit!

1. McDonald's - This shouldn't come as a big surprise. McDonald's are on the top of the fast food chain for a reason. Their menu is diverse, and everything on the menu is superb. Don't let "Super Size Me" ruin it for you. Of course, if you eat nothing but McDonald's for a month straight, you're going to gain weight. Imagine that! I don't know anyone who eats McWhatever's for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm also putting Ronald's domain at the top of this list because every item on the dollar menu tastes just as good as everything on the more-than-a-dollar menu. I gladly gorge myself on a cheapskate combo whenever I'm low on cash.

2. Bojangle's - This is a fried chicken chain that has swallowed the south. Quite a few of my yankee friends have never heard of it. If they only knew what they were missing. This is probably the unhealthiest restaurant on my Top 5, which is probably why I adore it. Their biscuits are mouth-watering, their chicken is crispier-than-thou, and their side dishes blow KFC out of the grease. I want to be buried in a giant Bojangle's to-go box. I'm dead serious (no pun intended).

3. Chick-Fil-A - The greatest chicken sandwich on the planet, hands down. Chick-Fil-A is the only restaurant that can get away with having a paltry menu. The food is that good. And the waffle fries…sweet Christ, the waffle fries. The only thing that I would change about Chick-Fil-A is the fact that they close on Sundays. Not everyone is religious, and some of us crave the almighty chicken filet sandwich to accompany an afternoon of football.

4. Arby's - The greatest roast beef sandwich on the planet, hands down. Arby's could stand to lower their prices, but they have no competition. If you want a roast beef sandwich, you go to Arby's. You could go to Hardee's, but not every location offers roast beef. Like the one near my house, for instance. I damn thee!

5. Checkers/Rally's - I'm a sucker for retro drive-in restaurants. I just dig the motif. Sonic is another fast food bistro that carries a 50's theme, but the food doesn't measure up to Checkers. The burgers are top-notch, the seasoned fries are unparalleled, and I must send a special mention out to the Deep Sea Double, a double fish filet sandwich. Checkers/Rally's locations aren't as widely peppered throughout the as they should be. Exercise my right to petition the government, I shall.