Top 5 Reasons Why I Hate Brett Favre

Yes, it's all true - Brett Favre is officially on the Minnesota Vikings. Now we can quit watching videos of him throwing passes to random high school football players, and send the roving midsummer-nothing-else-to-do ESPN reporters to Vikings training camp for more incessant talking and worthless coverage.

What this whole saga highlighted for me - and what I've known for quite some time - is that I hate Brett Favre. This is despite the fact that he has been fairly good to the fortunes of my team, the New York football Giants. He let Michael Strahan flop onto of him for his record breaking sack, and he literally threw our shot at the Super Bowl into our hands.

Thanks Brett, but I still loathe your existence on my television and in my life every... single... day. Here are the top 5 reasons why I hate Brett Favre.

5. The Perpetual Announcer Man Crush - Why is it that every announcer on the planet has a man crush for Brett Favre? Is it just to give Frank Caliendo material for his impersonations? With John Madden out of the booth, that's at least one of Favre's biggest man crushers out of the way. Of course, about 347 of them still remain.

4. He Makes Me Miss T.O./McNabb - The Terrell Owens and Donovan McNabb drama with the Philadelphia Eagles was one of the first times that ESPN made the executive decision to turn their sports coverage into an endless sports soap opera. It was absolutely terrible, and it essentially ruined the network. Well, the yearly Brett Favre saga actually makes me miss that. Give me some crunches on your driveway, give me some sideline freak outs, give me something that at least entertains during the madness rather than breathless reporters following you to high school football practices and news stories based on your text messages.

3. The Country Good Ole Boy - We get it Brett. You live in Mississippi. You like mowing lawns. You wear jeans. And of course, you just love you some football and hanging with the guys. Find a new schtick.

2. Everyone Else Gets the Screws - Brett Favre has continually given the screws to just about anybody he encounters. The Packers draft Aaron Rodgers, but Favre wants to keep on playing every year despite his earlier statements; Rodgers gets screwed. He finally retires then wants to come back, the Packers try to I don't know, field an actual football team, and take a huge P.R. hit by doing so; the Packers get screwed.

Favre's terrible end to the 2008 season costs the Jets a playoff spot and the coaches their jobs; Eric Mangini and co. get screwed. The Packers include a clause in Favre's trade to the Jets that if he ends up on an NFC North team like the Vikings, they receive draft picks. Favre retires, canceling out that clause, then ends up with the Vikings anyway; the Packers get screwed again. Favre goes to the Vikings and gets the starting slot handed to him; Tarvaris Jackson and the other Vikings' quarterbacks get screwed.

If twice is a coincidence and three times is a trend then five times has to be a scientific law of some kind. Multiply rumored retirements by scratchy-voice press conferences, and divide that by references in the media to a "gunslinger mentality" and you get number of players, coaches and teams screwed.

And the Number 1 Reason that I hate Brett Favre is...

1. The Drama...Doesn't...Stop - You're entitled to play as long as you want to, and I don't hold that against anyone. If a team wants to have you, then good for you if you want to lace 'em up. What I can't stand is the unending drama. People forget that this nonsense extends back to before the 2006 season! That means we have been dealing with it for four seasons, which is beyond ridiculous. I get enough of this in boxing - and Favre has already surpassed the Muhammad Ali/Sugar Ray Leonard standards of excessive pseudo retirements - so I don't need it to carry over into football. Make your decision in p-r-i-v-a-t-e and let the rest of us move on with our lives.