Top 5 Ways Parenting Changed My Life

Becoming a parent changed my life dramatically. It was probably more shocking to me than to lots of folks because I'd grown up desperately wanting to be a mother, and had spent most of my teen years just waiting for the day when I'd get to hold my own baby in my arms. I dreamed of smiling down at that baby in beatific bliss, and imagined--with rose-colored glasses on--all the wonderful, sweet, amazing times we would have.

And then I had my first son. And then reality came crashing down on my like a ton of bricks. Not that we don't have those wonderful, sweet, amazing times. We do, in abundance. But we also have tantrums, potty accidents, sleepless nights, copious barfing and strings of green mucus. And so parenting has changed me. It has changed my character, and it has changed my understanding of reality.

Parenting has made me more patient. I thought I was a patient person before I had kids. People are always telling me how patient I am (apparently I have a "Zen" vibe, which does not accurately reflect my frequent inner turmoil). My kids proved to me very quickly that I am not only impatient, but short tempered to boot. Parenting has required me to stop and think about why I'm impatient, and whether it's really earth shattering if we're 10 minutes late, and whether maybe, just maybe, my relationship with my kids might be more important than getting something done "on schedule".

Parenting has helped me to relax. I am tense, anxious, and a little compulsive by nature. Having three boys is an amazing antidote to that. I had to learn to let go of my anxieties about all the little things, because I knew if I didn't, I'd be forcing those anxieties onto my children, and I didn't want them to live with the fears I'd had for so long. Many times it takes a deliberate effort of the will not to say "No, absolutely not!" when they want to climb a tree or roll in mud or pick up a worm or swim in a goose-infested lake. My compulsive fears rise up, and I must squash them so that I do not squash my childrens' spirits. It was freeing to realize that I did not need to work so hard to prevent dirt. Dirt happens (and also: spaghetti, vomit, pudding, and poop). When it does, I can toss the kids in the shower, and mop the floor.

Parenting has made me more confident. There was a time when I'd blush violently and shake (literally) at the thought of speaking to someone I didn't know, questioning an "authority figure" (doctor, teacher, and the like), or generally doing anything that might rock the boat. Not anymore. In order to care for my kids well, and do right by them, and just generally be a functional adult, I have been forced to move out of my comfort zone. Now I get things done. I say what needs to be said. I ask questions when questions need to be asked. I don't pay attention to what others might think of me. I am a Mother. If you get in my way, I will bulldoze you, and I won't feel bad about it.

Parenting has clarified my values. I've always been opinionated. Being a mother gave me a new perspective on those opinions. Some of them, I found, were worth fighting for. I believed in them more strongly after I had my children, because of my experience as a mother. Others, on the contrary, weren't really all that important, and they certainly weren't worth getting involved in an angry debate over, or worse yet, losing a friend. Having children helped me distill down my endless opinions into a value system that was more concise, and more basic. There are a few things worth standing for, and I will stand for them. The rest of it, though...eh, I have more important things to do with my time than to fret over it.

Parenting taught me what Love is. In theory, I always knew that love is more than just mushy feelings and adorable moments. But Love kept crashing down on me at the strangest of moments after my children were born. Love showed up when I was nursing a stubbornly wakeful baby at 2 a.m., and for a moment I could not breathe for the sheer, overwhelming adoration I felt for him. Love kept me going the year my third son was born, when all I could think of was getting through the next day. Love helped me look past potty regression at the child who needed help and encouragement rather than condemnation. Love pulls me out of myself and teaches my heart how to connect with the hearts of my children.

Although I'm a "veteran" mother now, with the practical side of parenting fairly well figured out, I have a feeling that parenthood still has a lot to teach me. I hope it does, because I sure feel like I still have a lot to learn.