"Top Chef All Stars" Premiere Recap

Sorry this is a day late! Please don't be mad! Although there are plenty of much, much better Top Chef recaps to read, Brian Moylan over at Gawker, pretty much wrote everything I wanted to say, so I didn't feel the sense of urgency in getting this one out the door so fast.

Not to mention the premiere episode isn't all that exciting anyway. Who cares about what everyone was up to over the years? Just make some food. Tell me all about whatever fancy pants restaurant you're working in on your 'goodbye' reel when you are eliminated. Right now just make food.

So right out of the gates it was on like Donkey Kong when each contestants had to team up with their season-mates and create something that best described their city. Chicago won with something that looked like what my 3 year old served me from her Playdough set which I guess was supposed to look like a Hotdog with mustard ice cream. I guess it tasted good, because it looked like well...barf. Once again informing the world that the people of Chicago only eat hotdogs and will stab you if you even say the word 'ketchup.'

Team New York made some kind of apple slop that was really trite and obvious so they lose. They should have stuck together and made one great dish, but they went ahead, because it NEVER works, and did three separate dishes with an apple theme.

That was fun. Let's go to the elimination challenge. Horrible person, 'cause Tim Gunn says so (have you noticed that just about everyone that hosts a show on Bravo except Tabatha has been called a horrible person by Uncle Tim?)Padma, did her cranky face and told them that their first challenge would be to remake the dish that sent them home in the first place. It was so deliciously (pun!) evil, Padma almost cracked her smile. Maybe she's hungry from trying to lose the baby weight. Maybe being around Stephen just puts people in bad moods. Cheer up, Padma. Tom just kind stood there like he always does with that "Yeah, what she said, losers!" look he always gives.

So it was whisking, and cooking, and poaching, and Richard doing science with a spoon and liquid nitrogen as they tried to impress the judges once again. Then there was a twist that they would compete and serve in two groups and get to taste and critique each other's food! On the first episode! Wowsa!

Not only that, but now the cheftestants get to see what's being said about them, so it was totes awkward when they all rejoined and saw the Tv back there. Whoopsie doodle! Should've been a little nicer.

Anthnoy Bourdain hated everything, and proceeded to whip dishes at the wall in disgust. And I guess we're on a "Tony" basis with him now. Fabulous.

So the winners this week was that creepy dude from DC, Angelo, and the bottom three were Fabio, Elia, and Stephen. We really need to give Stephen a break on this one, as much as we want to punch him in the throat every time he's on the screen, because he didn't get eliminated for cooking his dish, he was eliminated for NOT cooking his dish. So it really wasn't a surprise that he was at the bottom. Fabio and Bourdain got into a fist fight over his dish, but we knew Fabio would be safe for a while, because everyone loves him, and since Elia is really kind of a whiny nobody, she got the boot because she can't cook fish. Sorries Elia.

Richard probably would've won the whole thing had he not been disqualified for going 'over time'. I think he's going to be the one to beat. Hopefully next week with all of the updates out of the way, we'll see some more drama.