Top Christmas Gifts to Give a Cheating Spouse

This list is a parody gift list for Christmas, and I think the only Christmas gift that a cheating spouse should get is a divorce that they pay for. Truthfully, I guess that would be a gift for the non-cheating spouse.

What are the perfect gifts that you can give a cheating spouse, this year? I have many ideas but I just cannot bring myself to do anything illegal. Instead, we are going to have some innocent fun, you and I.

Let us say your dog need a new food dish, so you go in purchase, a new dog food dish. You could toss out the old dog food dish, or you could give it to the lying cheating scoundrel, you call a spouse. Yes, go ahead, wrap it up, and put it in a special box, with the rest of their presents, which are outlined below.

New cologne or perfume is the perfect stocking stuffer for this cheating spouse. Just make sure it is the new type that he or she just started buying. The other man or woman will very much appreciate it. As any of us to have been cheated upon knows, that a new scent is one of the signs that your spouse may be cheating, especially when there are other cheating signs.

If you and your spouse use any sexual toys or other aides, you could wrap them up and add them to the box. After all, the two of you played these toys when you were happier, and let us face it; these are not happy times now. You need new toys, if you want to play solo, so why not pass the older ones, which are garbage to the dogs to play with. Toss them in the box.

If you have any souvenirs from the marriage that your spouse gave to you, during happier times you could keep them but these are just cheesy little souvenirs of a love gone south, toss them in the box. You put the cards that your spouse has, given to you through the years, professing their love for you, as present for him or her, toss them in the box. Your thoughtfulness will ensure that they to have a crappy Christmas.

Go to the Goodwill store, and purchase the cheating scoundrel, an article of clothing that they would love, but do not pay more than three dollars for it. Make a stop at the dollar grocery store and pick up a container of sardines, and a package of big gift bags. That article of clothing, you bought at the Goodwill store, you fold up very neatly in between the folds, and you are going to put a sardine. Quickly put that article of clothing in a few of the garbage bags, and then place those into a big gift bag to keep the smell out of your house. Make sure you save the rest of those sardines, and the big gift bags, because we have more to do with them.

As we, all know gifts of clothing; make wonderful Christmas presents and these all are going to make your cheating spouse, very happy about as happy as you were when you found out about infidelity. We are going to go through all the clothes in the dresser and closets, removing the cheater's clothes and put them in the big garbage bags. Fill the bag about half full, insert a sardine, and continue to fill the bag with the clothes. Then stick the garbage bags into big gift bags for your cheating spouse.

Into the box toss in wedding photos with your face removed into the box, as a visible reminder of just what the jerk gave up. By removing your face only you show the cheater what their life will be like without you in it.

When you are in the dollar store, grab a cake mix, e-lax, preparation h crème and a fleets enema. The preparation H crème and the fleets' enema make wonderful stocking stuffers, with no explanation needed but in short, terms the crème is because of the type of person they are, and the enema will rid them of what they are full of and if that does not work the cake with the special icing will surely work.

Another present you can give them is a nice letter explaining just how they have made you feel this holiday season. Go ahead and address the front of envelop as usual, sending your cheating spouse this letter at work. However you will seal the envelop empty, and write on the back of the envelope. If you have a lot to say or want someone else to read it, get a great big envelope. Stick some plain papers in it so your cheating spouse will have to open it hold it up to open it and on the back of it, write some choice words in huge letters so any one standing around can see it. Imagine the look on their faces if it is revealed the two employees are having an affair or that their co-worker is a dog.

Give the cheater the satisfaction of having their own bank accounts, just remove your name, and leave a very specific amount and that bank account. The very specific amount could be $4.25 plus $0.86 in my case. That specific amount comes from all our anniversary date of April 25 and 86 for the year. That would give them $5.11, in their new solo account. They may not get the specifics of that amounts but you will have the satisfaction of knowing what it is. Take the rest of the money that was the joint account, pay off your bills, and get your name off any joint bills and other accounts that you hold together.

For the ultimate cheating spouse Christmas present, might I suggest a no-fault divorce? If you go into your local library, you may be able to find a divorce yourself book, which will have the forms that you can type on your computer, you simply add in the personal information and printed off. The divorce yourself, book not only has the forms. You need, it also has the information for the individual states so you can look at the laws of your specific state.

You can purchase the book, off eBay like the one I did on the recommendation of a friend. You can go to Barnes & Noble's and buy this book. The price of this book is far less then, what you it paid a lawyer to prepare your papers. You simply type up all the papers, you need, signed them and give them to the cheating spouse, who then will go ahead and file them for 200 bucks and you'll get the best Christmas present ever.

On Christmas eve, you could tell your spouse that they are leaving, and that their clothes are packed, as you have done this already. Tell them they are wrapped up so the kids will not know what is going on, and hold open he door for them as they exit your home and life. In a few days when they have had some time to think about what they have done, and they have cried they will begin to open their packages and the sardines should have a nice aroma about them at this time.
I do hope that you have enjoyed this parody Christmas list for cheating spouses, and if you did kindly leave a comment below and e-mail this page to all your friends, who may get a chuckle out of it as well. You could also print out this page, and hand it to the cheater and say this is what you almost got for Christmas this year.

Merry Christmas to you and I hope all of your Christmases are cheater free.