Top Eleven Simpsons Musical Numbers

No show on television over the last twenty years has provided more memorable musical moments than The Simpsons. Alas, that includes American Idol. I think. Actually, I've never seen an episode of American Idol, but I have heard music from artists who won, so I can only assume that the music of those who didn't win was even worse, which leads me to conclude that American Idol has not featured anywhere near as many classic musical moments as The Simpsons.

From Mr. Burns prancing around in a vest made of gorilla chest hair to the family cavorting under the sea as Homer dreams of escaping frustrations by living among the crustaceans, the burning question that all lovers of Simpsons and musicals must be asking is this: Why has no one had the idea of making a Broadway musical out of the music of the Simpsons?

There's a lot to choose from and it wasn't easy and it pained me to leave some numbers of this list, but I hereby offer up one man's opinion of the top eleven musical numbers from the Simpsons so far.

11) "Cape Feare Medley"
Public Enemy #1 Robert Underdunk "Sideshow Bob" Terwilliger, newly decorated with tattoos ala Robert DeNiro as Max Cady is once again bent on extracting a cold slice of revenge on the ten year old who ruined his life by exposing him as the man who framed Krusty the Klown for robbery. Voiced by incomparable Kelsey Grammar, Sideshow Bob kidnaps Bart as he enacts a rake-perfect parody of Martin Scorsese's remake of Cape Fear. Just before he is about to carry out his revenge plot full murderousness, Bob asks Bart if he has any last requests. Bart replies that Bob has such a lovely singing voice-guilty as charged-that he'd like to hear the full score of the HMS Pinafore. In a brilliantly conceived musical homage/parody, both Bob and Bart proceed to waste enough time singing snippets of the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta that Sideshow Bob is foiled again and arrested by Springfield's bad cops, bad cops. Featured in the episode titled Cape Feare.

10) "Union Strike Song.
Lisa sings this Woody Guthrie-inspired folkie tune to rally the striking troops against capitalist oppression personified in the person of one Charles Montgomery Burns. Lisa needs braces so Homer fights and claws his way to the position of crooked union leader to stop the rank and file from trading in their dental plan for a free keg of beer at union meetings. A struggle between good and evil takes place the forces of the proletariat and the bourgeois and Lisa's plaintive guitar punctuates the story about a hero named Homer and a devil named Burns. Featured in the episode Last Exit to Springfield.

9) "Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off"
You may know Troy McClure from such movies as "Give My Remains to Broadway" or "Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die" but none of his movies have had quite the effect upon audiences as his performance as the human-the part he was born to play, baby-in the big budget musical remake of Planet of the Apes. From his heartfelt rendition of the classic lyric "I hate every ape I see/From chimpan-A/to chimpanzee" to the parody of the Falco classic Rock Me Amadeus, "Dr. Zaius" this perfectly cromulent set piece makes you wonder why they can't make actual Broadway musicals this entertaining. Featured in the episode A Fish Called Selma.

8) "Oh, Streetcar!"
A musical version of A Streetcar Named Desire. Why hasn't this ever been done in real life? Maybe it would be compared to The Simpsons version and couldn't possibly hope to top it. The really amazing thing is the after it originally aired the city of New Orleans was so up in arms that the next week a chalkboard sequence was hastily produced that had Bart promising not to defame New Orleans. I guess I can understand why the city was so offended by the lyrics "New Orleans/Home of pirates, drunks and whores." After all, the writers only indicated that these types of people lived in New Orleans when they should have been more historically correct: New Orleans was FOUNDED by pirates, drunks and whores. Along with the opening number, the real nugget to be found here is Marge's genuinely moving seduction number involving that humble newsie played to perfection by Apu. Featured in the episode A Streetcar Named Marge.

7) "The Amendment To Be Song"
Several generations grew up with Schoolhouse Rock. Most people of a certain age got their information on the process of a how a bill gets turned into a law in the United State Congress courtesy of the classic Just a Bill song. This song features the same look and singer to provide an admittedly skewed but no less accurate vision of what an amendment to the Constitution is and how it gets created. Krusty the Klown apologizes for having to resort education cartoons since he's lost the ability to show the ultraviolent and ultrafunny Itchy & Scratchy cartoons. Pres. Bush would no doubt agree with one of the lyrics: "There's limits to our liberties/at least I hope and pray that there/cause those liberal freaks go too far." Featured in the episode The Day the Violence Died.

6) "The Monorail Song"
Lyle Lanley comes to town with a great idea for how Springfield can use a recent unexpected windfall. In a parody of The Music Man, the town quickly buys into his idea courtesy of a catchy, rhyming masterpiece of a song. Yes, as Marge has pointed out the town really needs to do something about those potholes, but, darn it, she just didn't come prepared with a song. In addition to being one of the catchiest songs in Simpsons history, this sly little masterwork also shows how a jingle can convince people to buy something they absolutely have no need for. Featured in the episode Marge v. the Monorail.

5) "Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart?"
When Homer causes Apu to lose his job, Apu digs deeply into his Hindu religion to both forgive him and move on. This song in particular showcases the talents of Hank Azaria. The singing talents of the voice actors have always been somewhat unappreciated and this song may very well be the finest example of just how talented a singer Mr. Azaria is. His holding of the note when he sings "I doooooooooooooo" is, I guarantee you, more impressive than any contestant on American Idol. Throw in the heartbreaking emotional resonance associated with the note-along the brilliantly hilarious animation of the character-and you can certainly make an argument that this stands as the apex of Simpsons musical numbers. But not for me. Featured in the episode Homer and Apu.

4) "Checking In"
Not only a dead-on perfect parody of Broadway musicals, but also a satiric dig at Robert Downeyesque actors who seem to spend more time inside the Betty Ford Clinic than on the set, this song never fails to make you laugh no matter how many times you hear it. The highlight, actually, isn't even a song lyric but Lisa saying "Shh. They're strapping down Liza Minelli." Again, it's songs like this that leave you scratching your head wondering why Broadway is thoroughly incapable of producing hit singles like they used to on a regular basis. Featured in the episode The City of New York v. Homer Simpson.

3) "See My Vest"
For most of the past fifteen years, Walt Disney animated features were the only movies offering old-fashioned musical numbers. Or, well, at least good ones. But even the best songs are open to parody and the Simpsons have parodied an almost infinite number of them. But none better than this takeoff of the Beauty and the Beast showstopper Be Our Guest. Mr. Burns has stolen the puppies of the Simpsons' dog Santa's Little Helper with the intent of making a tuxedo out of them. Bart and Lisa track him down and are treated to a simply brilliant singing number from the decrepit old mummy with bony arms who smells like an elephant's butt, but who has a truly fantastic singing voice. The lyrical content of this song-amazing short considering what is packed into it-manages to reveal that Mr. Burns owns loafers made from gophers, slippers made from rhinos, a sweater made of an English setter, and a hat that was a cat. Featured in the episode Two Dozen and One Greyhounds.

2) "Bagged Me a Homer"
My choice for the second greatest musical number in Simpsons history so far may surprise many hardcore fans. It really isn't even a musical number per se, but rather just an animated recording session featuring a guest character named Lurleen Lumpkin. So why is this my number one choice? Because it's a perfect song. It takes the metaphor of a baseball game as a metaphor for a relationship and alludes to it in literally every single line. The double entendre of Homer Simpson/home run accentuates the subject of the episode. It's a country song and, frankly, it makes you wonder why nothing that has come out of Nashville since the 70s even comes close to the brilliance of this little ditty. Amazingly, guest star Beverly D'Angelo not only sings the song, but also wrote it as well! If she can pop out a perfect country song in the time allotted her to make this available for recording, then why, with so much time and at their disposal, can't Toby Keith, Trace Adkins or any of those identify hat-wearing, flag-waving rednecks write a song with even half the ingenuity of this one? Featured in the episode Colonel Homer

1) "The Presidents Song"
It's Presidents Day and doesn't every elementary school feature a production on the history of American Presidents? The Springfield Elementary show starts off with a rousing number dedicated to several of our lesser known Presidents, such as William Henry Harrison - who died in thirty days! It simply doesn't get any more clever than this. In the first place you have to be smart enough to pick out mediocre Presidents rather than actual bad Presidents and then you have to make it not only historically accurate but laugh-out-loud funny. This song is dedicated to those caretaker Presidents whose faces you won't find on US currency. If you don't find yourself still singing this song out loud a few days after hearing it, you should probably stick with Family Guy. You just aren't up to the depth that the Simpsons offer.