Top Five Mistakes Couples Make Before Getting Married

'Tis the season for love and weddings, and all that wonderful stuff. Deciding to take that next Big Step can be both exciting and nerve-wracking. Unfortunately, many people choosing to take the plunge live to regret it, sometimes not even a year after the honeymoon. But there are ways to steer clear of even the notion of divorce-simply by acknowledging some very common pre-marriage mistakes...

Mistake #1: Planning the Wedding but not the Marriage- This is one of the most common "traps" that couples fall into. People who decide to get married sometimes place more importance on the wedding than the actual marriage. Women in general tend to have this issue more than men; weddings are [incorrectly] perceived as the day for the Bride. You should consider your wedding ceremony a formality of what you and your partner have already claimed in your hearts. Actors Ruby Dee and the late Ossie Davis were married for over half a century. In fact, the two had a rather swift, no-frills wedding on their mutual day off from acting rehearsals. The point is that their desire to solidify their commitment was stronger than the desire to have a blow-out wedding. Many people fall into the trap of planning a huge, splashy affair for the sole purpose of entertaining the guests. While this is a gracious idea, it is imperative that more thought and planning be given to the actual marriage, than the wedding day.

Mistake #2: Caving into Peer Pressure- I'll bet you thought that peer pressure to "be like everyone else" would have all but disappeared once you graduated from high school. Wrong! Believe it or not, adults are often known to subject themselves to "peer pressure" where it regards making major life decisions. Sometime in the years between college and steady employment, couples start looking for that Special Someone. Some very interesting things happen around this time. Your attached / engaged / married friends begin asking you when you're about to take the plunge. This question can be particularly uncomfortable, especially for those who are not currently in a romantic relationship. But for those who happen to have a romantic partner, inquiries about future plans have the potential to invoke feelings of competitiveness, uncertainty, or even guilt.

It's very easy to become embroiled in the notion that since "everyone else is doing it", then it must be your time as well. Making the decision to become someone's wife or husband should never be taken lightly. Take a close look at the people who continue to inquire about your romantic status. Some people who are overly concerned with the romantic plans of others are sometimes lacking satisfaction in their own relationships. Some are simply extra-curious, while others genuinely do not feel a sense of belonging unless others around them are living a similar existence. Either way, it should not matter whether you're the last to tie the knot or the first. Standing firm in your own comfort zone will provide the assurance that you're making the right decision.

Mistake #3: Failing to Coordinate Finances- It would be redundant to mention that finances are truly one of the main reasons that couples divorce. However, this statement holds true, and is so important that it must be addressed repeatedly. As a pair of happily dating singles, every penny spent is usually accounted for by each individual. Personal spending habits are rarely divulged until the couple grows extremely close. During this sensitive time in the relationship is when couples should pay particular attention to how finances are handled. This is important because marriage dictates that husband and wife live as a unit.

This goes deeper than simply settling on how the bills will be paid. If one partner is frugal, and the other a spendthrift, there will most likely be money troubles later on down the line. It's crucial that each person take a long look at how he/she spends money and sincerely discuss how this will impact the marriage. If this is not done before the nuptials take place, an entire host of problems could be on the way.

Mistake #4: Using Marriage as a "Cure-All"- Ironically, some people choose to get married as a means of "correcting" issues in a relationship. It is believed by several, that the decision to get married in and of itself, is enough to smooth out (or erase) problems in the romance altogether. This could not be farther from the truth.

In the 1999 film, "The Best Man", actor Morris Chestnut's character makes the statement that his impending marriage will cure his desire for seducing other women (though it was put a bit differently in the movie). Both women and men make the mistake of believing that a legally binding union has the power to magically erase any "salacious urges." Exploring romantic options outside of your marriage may seem much more difficult than when you were single. But if the desire is frequent before you say "I Do", more than likely it will be the same long after the honeymoon is over. Again, the peer pressure to get married may override one's good judgment with regard to fidelity. But an honest review of your needs and wants right now could prevent a trip to the divorce lawyer's office later.

Mistake #5: Failing to Discuss Goals- There is a reason why employers ask interviewees the dated question : "Where do you see yourself in five years?" If the interviewee is seeking to start his own surf shop in the next year or so, then an executive job in the middle of New York City might not be the best choice for him or her. If the employer hires him/her, the fit will more than likely be temporary. Couples should take this same approach as they search for their life mates, as this mistake is one of the most popular causes of the "irreconcilable difference" cited in divorce decrees. Failing to identify individual and mutual goals often leaves couples at odds. The woman who dreams of traveling the world as a lofty executive may have problems with the man who envisions a comfortable, quiet life in a small town. This example may seem like an exaggeration. But the problems that ensue when two people begin embarking on different paths are usually great enough to cause divorce.

It is impossible to determine what circumstances will befall upon a married couple. But two people who have similar goals in life will have an easier time riding the occasional rough waters of marriage. It is inevitable that desires and plans will change to some degree. But the point of marriage is to create a foundation which will support new developments of life. There should be a certain amount of slack within the relationship to allow for the growth of both parties.