Top Five Potential Britney Spears Suitors

Well, from all accounts, it looks like America's favorite-or second favorite-media darling may be single again. After the well-publicized split with Kevin Federline, better known as K-Fed, K-Dirt, Fed-Ex or whatever everyone likes to call the ex-backup dancer, Spears has been linked to NFL quarterback Matt Leinart and most recently Isaac Cohen.

But the one thing you can never count on from Spears is punctuality; the paparazzi have been known to wait for hours upon hours, just to get a glimpse and shot of the star.

One Web site, bodog.com has even put out odds on there being a third child in the Spears clan. With Spears, anything seems to be possible.

5. Kevin Federline. Don't act like you're not surprised by this one. After all, K-Dirt is the father of both the children and it's a damned certain bet that if Spears were prego, he'd have a lick of a chance for this one, too. Don't forget that he has fathered other children; just ask his ex, a former C-list actress, about his ability to reproduce. It's there, like a stiff breeze coming in from the south. Or maybe that's the exhaust from K-Fed's truck as it sped away from Brit's house-and not his yellow Ferrari. And don't think that the loss of his prized Ferrari with the word "Federline" inscribed on those yellow wheels doesn't hurt just a bit. Now all K-Fed is doing is acting like every other B-list celeb. For example, dining at the same restaurant as Justin Timberlake but not in the same "inner circle," if you catch my drift. He might eat Kobe steak, but he's eating kabobs, according to the latest reports. What he's really munching on, folks, are appetizers-and not whole food. He wants the main course and he's not gonna get it where he's at. He needs to make a move and fast. The Super Bowl is fast approaching and he's only got one commercial. But he has one leg up on his competition-Spears. At the moment the singing star has no commercials at the Super Bowl. There may even be a level of respect on her end toward K-Dirt-and perhaps reconciliation is in the immediate future.

4. Larry Rudolph, her manager. If you don't think managers don't become romantically involved with their clients, just talk to Celine Dion, who has now settled down in Las Vegas with a guy that's about 30 years her senior. She's doing fine but probably has to ask herself why she'd settle with a guy as old as dirt. That's not just K-Dirt, folks, that's dirt, as in dirt-y. And now that Spears has been passing out/taking naps and making bad business decisions every chance she gets it may be in her best interest to make amends in the boardroom. While I won't bore you with details of this situation-mainly because it may make you barf-I will say that Spears-and Rudolph-could use this to their advantage. It would obviously generate publicity and perhaps give Spears career a boost, though not in the best way.

3. Paris Hilton. While it's true that the two, Spears and Hilton, have been seen partying in Hollywood and in Sin City, it is also true that we have yet to truly see a power lesbian couple in Hollywood. And Spears could be artificially inseminated, though Fed-Up may just offer to do it at no charge, considering his stamina. If you think that Rosie and Kelli are the epitome of the super-lesbian team, you're really delusional. Absolutely nobody would pay a cent to see either naked-or even scantily clothed. But they certainly would pay good money for some pictures of Brit and Hilton! Imagine the possibilities if the two were in Playboy. Every kid from Maine to Alaska and all points between would know about it and pull it off the newsstands faster than you can say career vitality. And Hilton is certainly known for revitalizing everything from your local police officer's heart rate, to some 14-year-old boy's cojones, if you ever watched "The Simple Life." And just think of the possibilities if the pair were to ever star in a reality show. Now that's entertainment.

2. Hugh Hefner. Why hasn't anyone put these two together? Well, because Hef's plate is full at the moment, to coin a somewhat-successful-but-wildly-delusional American Idol contestant. If you had three women living in your house at the same time-and weren't married to any of them, you would have some explaining to do. The amazing thing about Hef all these years is his staying power. For example, he could just tell Britney to head off to Las Vegas and his suite in the Palms if she needed some alone time. There Spears could have all the free drinks she could ever hope for, at his club-and then later she could retire back to the suite (read: pass out cold) and rejoin Hef at the mansion a few weeks later, after she and her mantourage had sucked up all of the P.R. out of Sin City and worn out their welcome. That's once she had passed out, only to be whisked away nightly in some person's lap. Now Hef knows all about that kind of lifestyle and so he would be well versed in helping her attain this level of independence and still provide the kind of babysitting necessary for both she and Fed-Up. It would be weird, but it would be perhaps the most normal environment Britney has had since Walt Disney World.

1. Justin Timberlake. Speaking of Disney, word is Britney may be considering reconciliation with her ex-beau, Justin Timberlake. Spears is no stranger to playing ball with people who look to be on a different team-and her mom is BFF's with Justin's mom. Now I've had good relationships with my girlfriend's mother, but that doesn't mean I've dug her daughter, necessarily. But let's be honest. It isn't like Spears is doing herself any favors by going on nightly benders in (your city here) and sleeping all day. Timberlake is a more subtle version of K-Fed, with ten times the talent. Imagine the songs the pair would come up with! It would be a dream pairing, almost like Whitney and Bobby, without the weirdness and bizarre wailings. (And without drug convictions...and jail sentences...and mug shots) And since the two have still remained close friends, it only seems natural from them to continue doing what they're doing and maintaining that Hollywood super-couple image. After all it would make for a good story.

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