Top Five Things You Can Never Relate to Your Mother- in -law

For every women who has ever married a man, who's mother dotes upon him, their are a few basic things that are lost in translation. If they aren't lost in translation, they are just plain ignored. And failing all that, viewed in an entirely different reality.

I've been married going on thirteen years this month. My husband is an only child, a real mamma's boy. To make matters worse, my mother-in-law is bi-polar and stays with us. I tried to give her away, but alas no one would take her.

The following observations are gleamed from my own marriage and that of a few of my friends.

Mother-in-law's have their own reality, you can not reason with them. There is no trying to explain, and their are a few things that you should never bother to clarify. This seems to be true, no matter if you are a husband or wife to their child.

5.) Never go shopping for clothes with the mother-in-law. Do not let her buy you clothes under any circumstance. She will not shop for you, If she happens to buy you clothes, it will be to her tastes and not yours. If you are the wife of her precious boy for instance... and you wear thong or bikini underwear, you will find that she is trying to buy or get you to purchase yourself... GRANNY Panties. Ugh the pantie lines alone are as unfaltering as it gets. It does not even have to be undergarments. I like dark rich colors, she wants me to wear pastel... that sort of thing.

4.) Money. Under no circumstance should your mother-in-law know what you make or how you spend it. You will never make enough money for her, and every purchase you make will be under strictest scrutiny as though you are trying to place her beloved child into the 'poor house'. Even the electric bill will receive such scrutiny, you will never be able to explain to her that it is her beloved brat that is driving up the bill by leaving all the lights on and the door open so that the outside could be the same temperature as your house.

3.) Your time. To you your time is precious, a day of it is like candy. Leisure time is precious, if you want it to yourself do not tell the mother-in-law that lives near-by. Your time will end up being used as driver, passenger, or grunt for her errands.

2) Dirty jokes. Jokes, ditties, skits, or references must remain clean for some reason. Most mother-in-laws would freak over such a vulgar form of amusement from their babies chosen mate. You apparently should be pure and Innocent when you marry their child and even then you will still not be good enough. Even if they happen hand picked you them self's in a bazaar matchmaking ritual.

1) Sex. All sex. If they find that you have had sex with anyone other then their progeny than you are a whore and thus must be removed from their gentle and sweet child's sight, less you somehow contaminate him/her with your sins.

Sex with their child should also never be even vaguely referred to. Apparently they believe they children are born, and will die a pure and Innocent virgin. If children should result from your union with their child, it must have been produced in a lab and inseminated after being surgically fertilized.

Most men will find the same true for father-in-law' of their prospective or current brides.