Top Five Ways to Avoid Becoming the Late-Night Bar Joke

Just because you are the last person left at the bar, does not automatically qualify you as the bartender's best buddy, bodyguard, or fellow employee. More often than not, your "help" becomes an obstacle to closing down and going home. Avoid becoming the Late-Night Bar Joke by bypassing your best intentions on the way to the door.

Avoid Becoming The Late-Night Bar Joke - Number 4: Avoid Sadistic Bar Staff Requests

Unless you still pride yourself on being the grade-school kid who would eat anything for a dollar, decline all dares, bets, and tests of strength and constitution. Drinking a shot squeezed out of the bar mat or rag at the end of the night may net you a round of applause, but no respect. On slow nights, many a bar staff turns to hazing the gullible for their own entertainment. Avoid becoming the Late-Night Bar Joke by betting the crowd is laughing at you not with you.

Avoid Becoming The Late-Night Bar Joke - Number 3: Don't Be a "Girl Drink Drunk"

There is very little more amusing to your local bartender than watching a grown man getting sloshed by quaffing round after round of anything that does not taste like alcohol. If your drink requires more than 4 alcohols or a blender to make, either stick to one or, better yet, save it for luau-themed parties at home. No matter how many times you've seen The Big Lebowski, white Russians are still more appropriate for high school girls than adults. Avoid becoming the Late Night Bar Joke by sticking to drinks that sound like drinks, not tropical flowers, sexual acts, fuzzy animals, or places you'll never ever see.

Avoid Becoming The Late-Night Bar Joke - Number 2: No means No

(I'm not talking about date rape, but, yeah, don't do that either.) Begging, bribing, and using trickery to score one more round after you've been cut off is annoying at best, pathetic always, and often futile. Avoid becoming the Late-Night Bar Joke by facing the facts and the door - your night is over when the bartender says it's over.

Avoid Becoming The Late-Night Bar Joke - Number 1: Guilt by Association

NO matter how long it's been, nor how many drinks you've had, nor that you can claim amnesia tomorrow, do not, I repeat do not, take another late-night bar joke home, or worse, into the bathroom for a quickie. No level of intoxicated, imaginary discretion you use will hide your shame. Avoid Becoming the Late-Night Bar Joke by keeping your standards high and your zipper higher.