Top Five 'What Went Wrong?' Crime Movies

The set up is normal folks in non-theatrical crime settings.

I mean really, sure Travolta was fun to watch in Swordfish, but come on, "The world's most dangerous spy is hired by the CIA to coerce a computer hacker recently released from prison to help steal billions in unused government funds" (IMDb plot summary)? And George Clooney in Ocean's Twelve as the world's greatest thief (is there an official competition for this?) has him for the ladies and Zeta-Jones for the guys, but really, raising a house several inches so as to better a sight line? If criminals are like this, the rest of us have no hope.

So, with the rules somewhat described, on with the list. (Word of warning: plot information contained in the listing.)

5. Feeling Minnesota - Keanu Reeves, Cameron Diaz and Dan Akroyd. Set in and around the Twin Cities. 1996. In this movie, the often woodenness of Reeves' acting actually fits his part. Jjaks, the Reeves character, arrives at this brother's somewhat odd (ok, very odd) wedding to Cameron Diaz (who is dragged there and forced to marry as punishment), which everyone seems to think is pretty normal. Diaz and Reeves hook up immediately and go on the run, but don't have money. This movie almost did not make the list because eventually Diaz and Reeves end up alive and together, but Akroyd's character, a truly vile cop, gets his due. Everything which could go wrong in this one does and yet, somehow the two lovers end up together.

Quote: Time is like an orange. It's round. It repeats itself. Everything happens for a reason.

4. A Simple Plan - Bill Paxton, Billy Bob Thornton and Bridget Fonda. Set in upper Minnesota. 1998. Paxton and Thornton play brothers who, with a friend, stumble onto $4 million in a crashed airplane in the snow-covered woods. They decide taking it is stealing stolen money and all they have to do is wait a little while to make sure no one comes looking for it. Simple, right? Paxton keeps money and with the help of Fonda, his wife, come up with scheme after scheme to keep the money a secret. Slowly, the trust between the three men fades and things get intriguing. Mistakes, common greed and distrust eventually unravel the whole plan, which ends with Paxton and Fonda, the only survivors, burning the cash, the serial numbers of a good portion of the which had been recorded by the FBI.

Two Oscar nominations, one for Thornton, one for writing.

Quote: Nobody'd ever believe that you'd be capable of doing what you've done.

3. Pulp Fiction - John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Willis, Christopher Walken, Tim Roth, Amanda Plummer, Ving Rhames, Uma Thurman. Set in Los Angeles. 1994. Plot in this one is impossible. Travolta and Jackson are hit men working for Rhames. Willis is a boxer, expected to take a dive for Rhames. Thurman, the wife of Rhames, is escorted by Travolta one night and mistaking his heroin for cocaine, takes a nose full and almost dies. Willis kills the other boxer and flees with his girlfriend, only to have to return to his apartment to gather up his most prized possession, his father's watch. Travolta accidentally kills someone in Jackson's car. . . .The look, the feel, the music. Everything is incredible.

With seven nominations, it won the Oscar for best writing and brought back Travolta's career.

Quote: "The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd. "

2. The Ice Harvest - John Cusak, Billy Bob Thornton, Connie Nielson, Oliver Platt, with a cameo by Randy Quaid. Set in Wichita. 2005. Cusak plays a seamy lawyer whose primary client owns several strip clubs in the area and Thornton, a laid back but ruthless "entrepreneur", conspire to steal $2 million from Cusak's strip-club owning client on Christmas Eve. An ice storm delays their departure from Wichita, forcing them to wait the few hours "acting normal". Things don't work out. Nielson, the owner of a strip joint plays Cusak like a cat plays a mouse. Platt, playing a drunk friend of Cusak's practically steals the movie comedicaly. Thorton is a study in understated malevolence. Of course, Cusak doesn't act normal, Nielson plays her character with understated sensuality and seems to be incarnate evil. In the end, Cusak and Platt, the only survivors are left wondering what was lost in the gain.

Nomination for the Edgar Allen Poe Award for best screenplay.

Quote: He actually threatened to shoot Gladys if I did't tell him where the money was. But I think he was counting on a level of commitment and affection between her and me that just simply wasn't there.

1. Fargo- William H. Macy, Steve Buscemi, Peter Stormare, Frances McDormand. Set in the Twin Cities and the road to Fargo, North Dakota. 1996. Ok, the folks in Minnesota don't talk quite like they did in the movie, at least most of them don't. Macy needs money, so he hires Buscemi and Stormare to kidnap his wife, fully expecting his rich father-in-law, from whom he has been stealing, to cough up the ransom, from which he will pay Buscemi and settle his own debts. Buscemi forgets to display the dealer tag and gets pulled over with Macy's wife bound and gagged in the back seat. Stormare shoots the Trooper and two kids who just happen to see them dispose of the body. McDormand, the local pregnant sheriff, investigates. Nothing goes right for Macy and he finally tries to flee in a stolen car. McDormand catches Stormare in the act of stuffing the last of Buscemi into a wood chipper. Ummm.

7 Oscar nominations, two wins: Best Leading Actress and writing Oscars.

Quote: So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don't you know that? And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well, I just don't understand it.