Top Gaffes of 2006: Bad Role Models

Growing up in Italy of the early 1980's was fun, but it wasn't always practical. There we no children's museums, few parks had play centers (aside for squeaky yellow swings), nursery schools were more like boot camp, and the cities were not geared to accommodate little nuisances such as children and other inconveniences.

Our mother, a child of American suburbia, often told us about the great children's paradise - the U.S. of A.
Imagine- most people lived in houses with their own gardens, all year round! American kids could ride their bikes on bike paths without worrying about incoming traffic and grouchy neighbors! Libraries would let kids borrow books for free, and you could spend a day there all by yourself! Some children even had their own rooms - no, really!
Such bliss! Land of milk and honey.

Now, I am not a child any longer and I do not have children, but I wouldn't want to be an American child in the year 2006. For one, I wouldn't be able to move around in school, out of fear of getting suspended for firing a paper clip at the janitor. I also wouldn't be able to feel too safe anymore, thanks to terror alerts. But most of all, I really really would hate to have the following over hyped people as role models:

Britney Spears: You know I was going to mention her. In 2005, Britney proclaimed: "In the future, I will refrain from discussing my private life in interviews. It will be expressed solely through art."

Of course it will, Britney, of course it will. The art of bad child rearing, the art of constantly making the wrong choices in your personal life, the art of conveniently forgetting to wear panties.

Mark Foley: Foley is a bad role model because of his stupidity more than anything else. Of course, it's despicable to pursue young pages, but if you're not strong enough to keep your urges on a leash, the least you could do is use untraceable methods in your pursuits.

Michael Richards: Wow. Talk about Politically Correct Alertness. Who peed in his Cornflakes? A whole generation of PC child rearing went down the drain on that infamous LA night. What did Richards have to say for himself? ""I'm not a racist. That's what's so insane about this."
Whatever.

John Kerry: Remember "people who don't work hard at completing an education end up fighting in Iraq"?
It might have been a joke gone awry, but here's a word of advice for dear John: don't. Just don't let your speech writers write humor lines you can't memorize, OK?

Senator George Allen: I don't know which is worse: the 'Macaca' gaffe, or trying to downplay is Jewishness once it was discovered. "I still enjoy pork chops' he said. Well, whoopteedo. I hope you celebrate Ramadan as well.

DUI arrestees: Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Lindsey Lohan. Mel Gibson, Haley Joel Osmen and others I mus have missed. Here's a tip: you're not invincible and you're a regular American citizen, so shape up and think of your young fans.

Ah, land of milk and honey, indeed.