Top Non Sappy Valentine's Day Movies

If Valentine's Day in your area bodes anything like it does in mine, you and yours will be trapped under several feet of snow. You might make it out of the driveway and out to a local restaurant or pub. But anything else? Not too likely. So how about picking up a few flicks, a bottle of Shiraz, a six pack of Guinness or some herbal tea, and some snacks. You can cuddle on the couch or haul out your camping mattress. Turn on the TV and enjoy some new movies or some old favorites.

Oh what a novel idea, you groan. Why didn't I think of that? I hate 'heart-warming',stupid romance movies, you object. Well, so do we (my husband and I); we know just how you feel. Here is a list of alternative Valentine's Day movies that are funny, film-noir, avant-garde, adventurous, occasionally bizarre or steamy, but definitely not candy-coated. Don't look here for 'Somewhere in Time' or 'The Notebook'.

Moonstruck (Cher, Olympia Dukakis, and Nicholas Cage in his salad days) My analysis: 'They expected to fight; in fact they rather enjoyed the shouting. It made a perfect aphrodisiac. But what about his brother, her betrothed and the family?' My husband and I saw this in our dating days and nominated it our movie.

Much Ado About Nothing (Denzel Washington, Kate Beckinsale, Michael Keaton, Robert Sean Leonard, Keenau Reeves) My analysis: 'Hot, luscious, sharp wit and repartee, expected romance falls apart, unexpected romance thrives. Comedy, Lust, Betrayal, Violence, Seduction and some surprising and juicy Love.'
Whose Afraid of Virgina Woolfe? (Richard Burton, Elizabeth Taylor) This is early 1960's psycho-drama film noir at its best. My analysis: 'What binds these two together? Vicious words, vituperate anger and enough repressed sexual energy to start WW3.' I saw this in college; I felt the tension and intensity.

How to Steal a Million (Audrey Hepburn, Petr O'Toole, Eli Wallach) This is vintage Hollywood when sets were De Mille, costumes by Givenchy and plots were sophisticated, lavish and pristine. HTSM is clever, delicious and urbane. There is no vulgarity or sloppiness. It has Sotheby's, art theft, cat burglars, the Louvre museum and panache dripping all over. And the cherry on the ice cream is Hepburn's soft, succulent French accent and O'toole being the epitome of debonair, yet tasty.

Rebecca (several versions to choose from; I prefer Joan Fontaine, Lawrence Olivier and Judith Anderson) This film is synonymous with 'Gothic Chiller Mystery'. It has everything: the vindictive ghost of the first wife, an eerie atmosphere, a naive young wife, a distant, haunted husband, a creepy devoted servant, a mysterious painting, a ruined, a bizarre, sycophantic cousin, an abandoned boat house, a wrecked boat, a babbling village idiot. Has anything been left out? You will want to cuddle close when you watch this one.

Wuthering Heights (Ralph Fiennes, Juliette Binoche) Deep haunting, harsh, cruel, passionate, vindictive, sensual. Fiennes was meant to play this role.

Micky and Maude (Dudley Moore, Amy Irving) This is quintessential story of romantic irony. Dudley is a go-getter, high-powered businessman, married to an equally hard-bitten wife; he meets Mickey, a sensual, artistic cellist, just his opposite and falls in love. By a perverse turn of events, both Mickey and Maude his wife get pregnant simultaneously. The ensuing chaos is hilarious. Of course, if its Dudley Moore, its extremely silly.

Arthur (Dudley Moore, Liza Minelli, Sir John Gielgud) Another very silly, very endearing, very off-beat romantic comedy. Arthur is a short, childish, drunken millionaire with no ambition beyond consuming Scotch. His father expects him to marry and marry well, his disdainful English butler does his best, but Arthur is hopeless. And then he meets a sophisticated shoplifter and falls in love.

Happy Valentine's Day!