Top Parental Cliche Sayings and How to Avoid Using Them on Your Own Children

Remember those words that spewed out of your parents mouths that made your skin crawl? If you are like most of us, you probably swore to yourself that you would never treat your kids like that. If enough time has past since then and the memories have faded, these same clichés might have nuzzled their way into your own vocabulary. As you well remember, these clichés can be detrimental to the parent-child relationship. Such sayings tend to be defensive and reveal negative parental assumptions. The reaction from the child is typically a belief that the parent is not even trying to understand them and a rebellious spirit that breeds anger toward the parent. So, to help you foster a healthy parent-child relationship, I have compiled a top ten list of parental clichés and an explanation of how to take careful precautions to make sure these words never torture your children again.

10) "You're not going out in that, are you?"
Instead of insinuating disapproval over your child's appearance, encourage self expression (within reason) and if someone asks just say that you let them dress themselves. If it embarrasses them, they will change. If what your child is wearing is inappropriate or not covering enough, require them to wear coverings and explain that they are worth more than what the clothes they have chosen indicate.

9) How many times do I have to tell you?
It is so easy to get frustrated with children who just do not seem to listen. But, instead of raising your voice and trying to force them to listen to your voice and respond, take a deep breath and with all the patience in your body, respectfully present your request. Begin with "Will you please ___" and be sure to include a time frame. Be sure to ask something like "Can you do that for me?" This makes it a verbal agreement on which trust can be gained or lost depending on if they do or do not complete the task they are agreeing to do. Then end with "thank you". This spells out your expectations without demanding anything. It gives the child a little freedom to choose when within the time frame to get it done, gives you a break from nagging, and it offers an opportunity to encourage appropriate behavior if they do what you request. If they don't, simply explain that you are disappointed that you cannot trust them and hope that next time they will make a better choice. Offer them that chance right away to do what they said they would do. This method will calm the whole house down.

8) You call this music?
Remember what you listened to when you were their age and try to be tolerant. If they like something you never cared for, why not try it out? Who knows? You might like it too and it might give you another avenue to connect with them. It sure beats yelling at each other all the time. If this idea doesn't work, buy them some headphones.

7) Do you think I'm made of money?
This question darts the problem. A child who is always asking for money does not understand the value of it. Educate them about what it takes to create and live on a budget. If it is something they really want, encourage them to do extra chores around the house for extra money. The extra appreciation of a dollar will go a long way. They might even decide what they were saving up for was not really worth it after all.

6) I didn't ask who put it there, I said "pick it up".
Instead of allowing your children to quibble about who made what mess, institute a ten minute clean up time. It doesn't matter who put it there, if you see it, you must clean it up. Everyone in the family can help. Seeing that everyone is helping will ease the "my burden is bigger than his is" mentality. Perhaps you could divide it into sections of the house, or even make it a game. By limiting the time to ten minutes, you can spend your extra energy on other things. And if you time it right after their favorite tv show (and not during), they are much more likely to indulge you in your request.

5) You just wait till your father hears about this.
The danger in using this line is insinuating that you cannot handle this situation by yourself. It also sets the other parent up as the "enforcer". Instead, send them to their room if you need time to cool off and think it over. Then try to find an appropriate punishment that fits the crime.

4) While you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules
This horrible cliché is usually said in the heat of a disagreement that has gone too far. It practically begs for rebellion and anger in your child. Who wants an angry rebellious child? Before any argument gets to this point, take a breather. Make a decision now to never let yourself get to the point where you are so careless with your words. Respect your child's right to make bad decisions, but encourage them towards the right ones.

3) I'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like an adult.
Give children respect and they will respect you for it. Demand respect from them and they will hate you for it. It's as simple as that.

2) Because I said so.
If you do not have a logical reason for a request you are making of them, do not give them the request. If they ask why, encourage them to challenge authority because the authority over them might not always be looking out for them like you do. While it might be inconvenient at times, do try to avoid this cliché.

1) I hope someday you have children just like you.
This is an insult of the most personal kind. It insinuates first that the child is enough of a nuisance that you hope they one day understand how it feels to be in your position. It also sends the message that you are wishing them to reap what they sow instead of all the dreams they have for themselves. This is the number one cliché to avoid because it can be so detrimental to the parent-child relationship. As a parent, you should always hope for the best for your child and treat them as if they are a blessing instead of a plague. If you find yourself this frustrated with your child, maybe you need to re-examine what you could be doing differently as a parent because the problem is never one-sided.