Top Sex Scandals of 2010

There's nothing I enjoy more than a nice, juicy sex scandal, because just like Al Gore, I'm a crazed sex poodle. Global warming and greenhouse gasses will do that to you. Fortunately, a few of our top celebrities are also crazed sex poodles who treated us to another great year of sexual decadence and ruined marriages.

So here for your consumption are the top sex scandals of 2010. Enjoy!

#1 Sex Scandal of 2010 - Tiger Woods and a Cast of Thousands

This one actually came to light late in 2009 when Tiger Woods somehow ended up with a divot of scalp taken out of his head with a 9-iron after trying to back out of his driveway. Could happen to anybody. But it wasn't until 2010 that we were treated to a parade of skanky women willing to let us in on all the sordid details of perhaps the greatest sex scandal of all time. Onto how many greens did Tiger drive his balls? We may never know the exact number, but probably not enough to be worth the $110 million divorce settlement he had to give to the lady who ironically was the hottest of all the women in his life.

#2 Sex Scandal of 2010 - Larry King and his Wife's Sister with Special Guest Appearances by Larry's Wife and the Baseball Coach

Somehow old, wrinkly Larry King keeps finding women willing to let him stick "Old Wrinkly" inside of them. One of those women is his eighth wife, Shawn Southwick. Another one is her younger sister Shannon. At least Larry likes to keep it in the family. Not to be outdone, Shawn turned to their son's baseball coach because she'd heard he was good at going deep in the hole. Despite this weird little semi-incestuous, four-sided secretion exchange, the King's managed to work things out proving once and for all that the family that screws together, stays together.

#3 Sex Scandal of 2010 - Jesse James and Scary Tattooed Chicks

When a guy who looks like he's fresh out of rehab after spending years laying in the gutter, sleeping in a pool of his own urine and feces somehow ends up with Sandra Bullock, you'd think he'd realize he won the lottery of life and not cock it up. Not so Jesse James who threw it all away for sex with a woman who looks like she's fresh out of rehab after spending years laying in the gutter, sleeping in a pool of her own urine and feces. By the way, if this paragraph didn't make you want to puke, there's something seriously wrong with you.

#4 Sex Scandal of 2010 - Brett Favre and His Junk

It was revealed in 2010 that 40-year-old married grandpa Brett Favre had "sexted" pictures of his hangy-down stuff to hot, sexy reporter Jenn Sterger. Unfortunately for Favre, the young woman wasn't at all interested in having sex with a shriveled, broken down piece of meat-nor was she interested in his penis.

#5 Sex Scandal of 2010 - Tiki Barber and the Babysitter

If cheating on your wife will get you automatic membership in the Fraternal Order of Scumbags, leaving your 8-months pregnant wife for your 20-something babysitter ought to earn you the title of "Royal Grand Douchebag of the Fraternal Order of Scumbags." But here's the good news for Barber (aside from getting to nail a 23-year-old hottie): While getting stuck with a moniker like "Royal Grand Douchebag of the Fraternal Order of Scumbags" would be quite humiliating for most anyone else, it's actually an improvement over "Tiki."

#6 Sex Scandal of 2010 - Christine O'Donnell and Her Fingers

Those who warn of the evils of alcohol and drugs and go so far as to completely stop drinking and/or snorting are usually alcoholics and drug addicts constantly battling the urge to fall off the wagon. The fiercest among homophobes are often closeted gays fighting latent desires to watch "Glee." With that in mind, I can only conclude that Christine O'Donnell's anti-masturbation campaign was triggered by the fact that she is a sex-crazed little nymphomaniac who just can't get enough of groping her grotto. Petting her kitty. Shucking her oyster. Polishing her pearl. Shaking the dew off her lily. Churning her butter. Twinkling her little star. Preheating her oven. Finding her niche. (I've got a million of 'em.)

At least that's the way I like to picture her.