Over the last week, I've talked with ten different women, all friends of my wife, to get their general consensus on why women lose interest in sex. From their reasons -- which were extensive -- I've deduced the top six.
1. Body Image
When a woman doesn't feel attractive, it can be difficult for her to maintain interest in sex. She's thinking about the way her husband or boyfriend perceives her body and she has trouble getting aroused. Men have a hard time understanding this because we don't normally translate our body image into our sex life, but this is just one way in which men are patently different from women.
2. Fear of Intimacy
Unlike men, women have a tendency to equate sexual intimacy with emotional intimacy, which can be one reason why they lose interest in sex. If a woman fears getting close to a man emotionally, she isn't going to want to be intimate with him sexually. This doesn't necessarily mean that there's anything wrong with her partner; it simply means that both people need to work on building trust.
3. Lack of Sleep
Fatigue can wear down all of the senses, which might be why women lose interest in sex. If all you can think about is catching a few z's, sex is low on the priority list. If your wife or girlfriend hasn't been getting enough sleep -- or is experiencing low-quality sleep -- she might lose her desire to have sex. Try taking a nap together or watching television in bed until you fall asleep rather than pushing the sex issue.
4. Increase in Stress
This is something that my wife experiences from time-to-time, as well as her girlfriends. When women (and even men) experience high levels of stress at work or at home, sex becomes a non-issue. This is because the mind is preoccupied with other matters and doesn't have the ability to become interested in sex. If you think that your wife or girlfriend is experiencing high levels of stress, try doing what you can to alleviate it.
5. Relationship Disagreements
Most men I know can have a fight with their wives and then jump into bed five minutes later with no thought to the subject of that disagreement. Most women are different; when they are experiencing discord in relationships, many women lose interest in sex. Rather than trying to push for physical intimacy, resolve the issue about which you are fighting and then head for the bedroom.
6. Feelings of Inadequacy
Men often think that they are the only ones who experience feelings of inadequacy in bed, but women go through the same emotions. If your wife or girlfriend feels as though she can't please you when you're intimate, she might lose interest in sex. Make sure that you tell her what she's doing right and encourage her to be adventurous. Don't let her go on thinking that you're dissatisfied with your sex life.
All of these are emotional reasons why your wife or girlfriend might lose interest in sex, but this article doesn't really touch on the physical side. Breastfeeding has been known to decrease libido as have low levels of free testosterone and high levels of SHBG (sex horomone binding globulin). If you think that the reasons might be physical, talk to your primary care physician about your options.
- Women: How to Put the Drive Back in Your Sex LifeMany women experience a drop in sexual interest after childbirth or at menopause. This article looks at ways to restore a woman's interest and pleasure from sex regardless of the reason.
- A Letter From a Sex-Starved HusbandA common problem with marriages is that either the husband or wife has a low sex drive. Here is a letter from a former client who was struggling with the lack of sex in his marriage and his wife's low libido.
- The Mature Woman's Guide to Increasing Your Sex DriveAs women age, their libido often decreases. You can turn the heat back up once you identify which of the many factors is at work in your life.