Top Ten Fears Blocking Barack Obama from Becoming the President of the United States of America

I can't begin to count the number of emails I have gotten, all of them designed to promote and provoke fear about the possibility of BaLack ooops I mean Barack Obama becoming the President of The United States. None of the reasons mentioned in these emails have anything to do with his ability to do the job. These emails use his name and other idiotic Internet rumors as the basis for creating what they believe to be compelling arguments as to why I absolutely must not vote for Mr Obama.

I have never been into politics, and to be honest I still am not. I usually do my own research and formulate my own opinions and then I vote. As long I as reconcile my heart and conscience and make a decision then I am happy. I usually try to avoid all of the hype and the mudslinging and the other juvenile foolishness that grown ups get caught up in when it comes to elections.

For some strange reason, however, it has been extremely difficult to escape all of the fussing and fighting that has been taking place. Maybe this is the first time I have really been paying attention, but it seems that there has been a lot of fighting, name calling and bad behavior. (And that's just the people on the same team!) I wouldn't be lying if I told you that several times I have felt like a parent caught between two of their children bickering:

Dad, Hilary's kicking me!

Barack started it, he was laughing at my sniper fire story!

But she called me an air headed dreamer with all talk and no plan!

Your preacher friends were mocking me! (pouts lips and crosses arms)

Oh YeaH! Well your husband was being a pain in my associates!

You kids better cut it out before I have to come up there and add some new stars and stripes on your backsides!!!

Yes Dad...

All kidding aside, we are coming to the point that it appears that Barack Obama is close to gaining the nomination. Should he gain the nomination, he wont have time to catch his breath, as the real fight is about to begin. I am in no way shape or form a political analyst, but I know enough to see that there are some major issues that are blocking the eloquent Senator from just strolling up to the Oval Office,

Issues like History, yes, Mr Obama is up against history. History has proven several times that whenever America is under the watchful eye of a Black Man the world will be destroyed. Have we forgotten the devastating results of losing the entire Eastern Seaboard to the Wolf-Beiderman Comet while President Morgan Freeman was at the helm? (see FBI files titled Deep Impact) Don't forget the anxiety we all faced several times when President Palmer allowed nuclear weapons to breech our borders during his 24 hour watch. I wont even bring up the foolishness that took place with President Chris Rock, but you get the picture. History shows that bad things happen when a Black President is in charge. Of course this claim is purely speculative, but there are some very real things that block Obama's path, and they must, for if Obama actually becomes the next President, these Ten Things are guaranteed to take place and it will be the end of America and perhaps all of civilization as we have come to know it.

10. Shake Up at the White-house: It is feared and rumored that Mr Obama will immediately fire the entire White-house domestic staff, putting good honest hard working Americans out of work. The chefs will be replaced by the staff of Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles, and all housecleaning services will be handled by Florence of the Jefferson's. Gone will be the days of elegant evenings of entertaining dignitaries to delicacies and five star meals, say hello to fried chicken and ribs. (try getting those grease stains out of your formal wear!)

9. A New National Anthem: Having never liked the National Anthem, nor holding his hand over his heart for the pledge of allegiance; and in an attempt to boost morale and get more minorities feeling patriotic, President Obama will the change the National Anthem to something more majestic and more moving. The New National Anthem will be "WHoop Der It Is!" by Tag Team. Moving and yet simplistic, celebrities need not worry ever again of forgetting the words as they sing it at a sporting event.

8. Reverse Slave Trade: White is the new black. Seeking to help White America understand the evils of slavery, President Obama will team up with his father in Kenya and began shipping mass numbers of white Americans to Africa, whee they will be remitted as slaves and forced to do all sorts manual labor and in essence become the property of Africa. The slave ship Armada will be commandeered by none other than Rev Wright, who will ensure the completion of all Chicken roosting and the finalization of the Damming of America.

7. A Shift in the Force: The work force that is. Once minorities in America see a black man as President, they will no longer be happy just setting their goals on entertainment careers. (Sports, music and movies) The minority Glass ceiling will be shattered and minorities everywhere will begin seeking high office positions. It will take the entertainment industry years to recover.

6. A New Religion for All Americans: President Obama will pass new legislation that mandates that all religions be dismantled and citizens will be forced to become under cover Muslims but they can still call themselves Christians if it makes them and the people around them feel better.

5. Mandatory Oprah Book Club Membership: To show his thanks for all of the support he received from Oprah, President Obama will force everyone to become members of her book club. The required reading at schools will be all of his soon to be released books in the "The Audacity of" series. All of them will be instant sellers making Oprah even richer than before.

4. The Death of Old Politics: Due to a lack of experience, President Obama will fail to realize that doing away with special interest groups is just an empty promise made by presidential candidates, and that all claims such as these are to be made with the fingers crossed behind your back. Ignorant of this President Obama actually gets rid of all special interest groups, as he has no need for them as long as he has Oprah on his side.

3. A New Age of Terrorism: After careful negotiations with all of the leading terrorist groups, President Obama makes an unprecedented deal with them, allowing them safe passage on terrorist runs in the United States only as long as the intended target is a white organization or institution. Planes will be given proper clearance in advance to crash into buildings and all minorities will be warned by way of coded messages in rap and r&b songs.

2. Economic Ruin: The already failing economy will be brought to it's knees, when President Obama actually decides to finally make good on America's promise of Reparations. The strain of giving every African America forty acres and a mule, begins to add up. All gold resources are tapped and depleted trying to keep up with the demand for bling.

1. Armageddon: A giant meteor rock will fall from the sky killing most of the population. Darkness and cold will kill off most of the survivors, at which time Jesus will return for the three remaining Christians. Sickness and disease will begin to kill the remaining survivors. Eventually Leaving President Obama and his dog Sam to try and find a way to restore life and order. (What...it could happen...didn't you read the History part!)

So there you have it Ten Very Real Not Make Believe Things Standing in Obama's Way, hopefully I have made each of them equally as stupid and trivial as some of the things that have been said and suggested. In no way am I writing this to endorse Obama, but I am suggesting that America may be aware that it is time for a change...but she just might not be ready for it.