Top Ten Gift Ideas for Depressed People

I suffer from depression and need medication for depression and an anxiety disorder, and currently I can't afford said medication. When I feel good, any gift from a friend or loved one can cheer me up; however, when I feel like I do right now, like life is a burden and nobody understands, there are very few things that can bring even a glimmer of a smile to my face. I'm currently forcing myself to write this, because all I really want right now is to be in bed avoiding life. But I'm going to write it anyway, because if it can enlighten anyone as to how to get through to a loved one who feels they have nothing to live for and nothing to offer, then it's a good day for me.

1. New Bedding

Shoot on over to your depressed friend's house with some really nice, high thread-count sheets and a vibrantly colored comforter. It will bring a smile to their face, especially if you joke about how since they're just going to be moping around and sleeping 14 hours a day, they might as well do it in style. Have them unwrap it in front of you, make some depression jokes (trust me: someone in the depths of despair will relish having someone treat them as if they're not made of delicate porcelain), and then offer to take it to the laundromat and wash it a couple times. Come back, make them a cup of tea or coffee, and make up their bed with the brand new bedding. You'll be pleasantly surprised at the reception you get. For at least a little while, your loved one will feel like a normal human being again, able to laugh at themselves a bit, and you'll get such a high out of helping them out that you'll wish you'd sprung for the really expensive Egyptian cotton!

2. Go for a Drive

Show up unannounced at your friend's house, tell them they don't need to change out of their gross pajamas or skanky sweats or need to take a shower, and bundle them into your car. Take them cruising past places that you know have a positive affiliation for them - their favorite pool hall, a good friend's house, the playground they played in when they were younger, and also take them past places that have not-so-good memories for them. That will get them to talk about what's bothering them and might even get them to make some associations with past events that have some bearing on their current state of mind that they wouldn't have made otherwise. Drive past your favorite hang-out, and you might be surprised to see that, no matter how they're dressed, they want to go in. If nothing else, at least they'll have gotten out of bed and out of the house, and they'll know you care.

3. A Scrapbook

If you're looking more to snap them out of their funk (more useful if your loved one is actually just in a funk and not suffering from full-blown depression, but it will still work, if only for a shorter duration), compile a scrapbook for them. Include pictures of their friends and family, funny comics or quotations, excerpts from favorite books, and soothing images - perhaps a seaside cottage or a field covered in wildflowers. Also, if there's a specific trigger that brought on their depression, include some remedies. For instance, if they lost a job, include some job postings from the local paper; if they got evicted, stick some housing ads in there. If their significant other just broke up with them, put in some pathetic personals ads along with some real ones. Just make sure that if there's a "real" reason for their depression, you don't make the whole scrapbook just about that. When you're depressed, you're looking for escape. Make sure most of the scrapbook includes memories of your friendship and humorous anecdotes and pictures. An actual "intervention" won't work: you're there to cheer them up, first and foremost. If you can manage to make some actual headway, that's great; just don't expect it.

4. Offer to Run Errands for Them

I know when I'm depressed, I can't even conceive of getting the mail, doing laundry, going grocery shopping, returning movies or library books, or paying bills. Go over there, pry a list of must-do items out of them, and do them. Even better, if you can afford to, go ahead and pay a couple bills for them out of your own money (even a small charge card bill of $25 or so will mean so much to them).

5. An Evening of Whatever They Want

Don't call ahead of time. Show up at your friend's or relative's house with nothing. Tell them you're not taking no for an answer, and that you're going to make tonight a great night for them, even if they don't want it. Make sure you keep it light, surface and comical - anything emotional or serious will just drive them more into themselves. Find out what they want to eat, what movie they want you to rent, a book they'd like to read, and go out and get it for them. Depressed people still want contact with parts of the outside world - they just don't want to go out there and get it themselves. If they want to watch TV and get drunk, watch TV with them and join in the drinking. As someone who's suffered from this for a long time, I can guarantee you they'll drink way less if they have sympathetic company who's drinking with them, and the odds are that you'll not only strengthen your friendship by not just not trying to "snap them out of it", but by joining in, and that you might even attain new closeness with your friend.

6. Send a Secret Admirer Package

If you're a true friend, you don't need to be thanked or acknowledged for your kindness. Send flowers, or their favorite Chinese take-out, or have someone they don't know dress up in a stupid outfit and go over and bring some DVDs and wine. No matter how sad or worthless someone feels, knowing someone out there is thinking of them will cheer them up. And not knowing who sent it to them is even better, because they'll be forced to think of all the friends and family they have that do care about them, trying to figure out who sent it. Even better, never own up to it. Let them spend the rest of their lives relishing their Mystery Friend.

7. Phone Calls and Emails - To the Extreme

Contact mutual friends (and non-mutual, if you have access to your depressed friend's address book) and tell them, without going into personal and intimate detail, that their friend or relative is going through a tough time and would appreciate a message telling them they're in their thoughts. Even if this friend doesn't have many associates, the few calls and emails they'll get will be enough to speed up their "recovery". And, if your friend is a good friend and has a good sense of humor, get these friend and relatives to not only call and/or email as themselves, but call as strangers saying weird things or email from made-up email addresses to say random crazy things. Your goal is not to totally drag your friend out of his or her depression, which is next to impossible, but to put a smile on their face. Trust me: this might seem like a small and inconsequential thing to the emotionally stable people out there, but just a small smile is a big deal to someone who feels that they have nothing to live for.

8. Come to Them With a Problem of Your Own

As I've said before, the best thing that can happen to a person suffering from depression is an escape from their own mind. Think of something that's bothering you (or a friend or family member) and come to your friend for advice. Don't make it seem like you're visiting because you're worried about them; call or show up with your own problems, and even when they start talking about their own problems, keep the conversation focused on your own. I can't tell you how much better I feel when I have some advice to offer or a solution to propose when a friend comes to me with a problem. It's escape with a positive outcome. It might seem a little bit dishonest if you don't have a "real" problem, but it will help your friend immensely.

9. Make an Ass Out of Yourself

Call (or even better, visit) your friend and before they have a chance to get into what's depressing themselves, start talking about stupid things you've done or said. Trust me, it'll get them laughing, especially if you were both there when it happened. If you don't think this will work, then go over to their house with a tape or CD of songs you both like that mean something or remind you both of good times in your lives, or even just stupid songs. Put on the tape or CD, sit your friend down, and dance around and sing along to the songs like an idiot. Nothing cheers up a depressed person like someone who looks more idiotic than them.

10. Say " I Love You"

Call your friend and when they answer, say, "Hi, it's me, and I just wanted to tell you I love you, and when you're ready to either talk about what's bothering you or just rejoin the land of the living, I'm here. I miss you, and I love you very much." Then just hang up. If they call back right away, let it go to voicemail. Give them a while to absorb what you said, and call back later. If they don't call back, don't worry: they heard you, and despite all appearances, they appreciate it. Your call might have meant the difference between their giving up and their decision to keep moving.

You'll notice that these ideas have not much to do with money, and a lot to do with personal commitment and time. It's really easy to call up someone, talk to them for five minutes and then get off the phone. Anyone can knock on your door with a mushy card and some flowers and tell you they're thinking about you, but as soon as they leave, you're back to where you were. An anonymous message of love ("Who could care this much about me? I guess I matter more to a lot of people than I thought, because there are a lot of people who could have done this for me and I have no clue who it was!"), or the devotion of an entire day or evening, will do infinitely more for that certain someone you hate to see feeling so low than a generic sentiment.

The holidays are so much fun for so many people, but they're really hard for a lot of others. Keep these latter folks in mind when you're meeting friends for lunch, going on dates, and attending family gatherings. A small gesture that might seem everyday and commonplace to you could mean infinitely more to someone else.