Top Ten Gift Ideas for Your Employees:

While we'd all like to buy our assistants (you know, the sexy one we meant to hire but didn't) something sexy to wear to the office, or one of two tickets to Aruba, the reality is that sort of thing is frowned upon in this day and age. Sexual harassment is vague and it's neither tolerated or given a grade. Still though, we do want to make sure Fran and Murray feel appreciated for the holiday… especially when you know for sure that they will be dropping off the obligatory boss gift that proves once and for all that you are indeed the world's best boss… (not to mention that these people with whom you spend more time than your family don't know you in the slightest). Here are some ideas aimed at helping you choose the perfect gift for your employees this year for the holiday:

1) Cash- They aren't working for you because they caught the vision. They are there for the paycheck.

2) Check- If you are an anal retentive a-hole and want to make sure your employees pay taxes on their Christmas present, this is the way to go.

3) Money Order- Are you sensing a theme here?

4) Cashier's check- Okay. Seriously. Why are you still reading? Aren't you inspired yet? Okay. Fine… here are some other options.

5) A bottle of top shelf booze- Use this one with care. If your employees are friend's of Bill W., or if you hire high school students to run your Pizza joint, this isn't exactly what I'd call a gift, but if you are too cheap to consider the first four options I gave you, your employees probably need to drink their way through the holiday.

6) A gift certificate to the local grocery store- It's almost as good as cash, and yet you somehow feel as if you made a little more effort.

7) Gold certificates- along the line of items 1-6, excluding 5.

8) A coupon for a paid day off, redeemable with a 1 week notice.- It ain't cash, but it spends the same.

9) A T-shirt that highlights in a humorous way what it is they do for you. It ain't like cash, but that "best boss in the world" trophy isn't much like that new putter you wanted either.

10) A swift kick in the ass. If they had worked harder over the past year, maybe you wouldn't be so skeptical about breaking out with some of the cash in item one.

Have a great holiday!