Top Ten Lingerie Items All Women Must Have

According to my daughters, I am in serious need of a lingerie overhaul. I'm missing key components to a sexier me. After perusing some online lists and checking out some suggestions from my daughter in laws and my daughters, whose eye-rolling when looking at my undie drawer was rather contemptuous and not worthy of further comment, I have comprised a new shopping list of essential lingerie for the woman over 50.

Apparently I need to throw my old lady white panties and bras in the trash and embrace new underwear in the spirit of not being old before my time. I should not worry that my hubby will go into cardiac arrest when he sees me in my new sexy lacy black bra and thong to match. Of course, the heart attack would not be because of excessive desire on his part but due to the strain on his heart from the massive amount of laughter that he would be engaged in

10 essential lingerie items for the woman over 50

A biker pant shapewear garment
Apparently these smooth all your lumps into one smooth bigger lump. They come up over your tummy, well, if you can hike it up that high, and then down over those mammoth thighs. That's the premise anyway.

A shaping camisole
These work much the same way but for the top half of your anatomy. Apparently all the soft fatty lumps on my back will be smoothed out by wearing one of these shapewear camisoles over my bra. I confess here, that yes, I already bought one of these, and it is quite smooth and silky and lovely, but the lumps are still there. Now they're just smoother, and packed together tighter. My husband poked me and his finger bounced back and hit him in the eye.

A t-shirt bra
If you wear t-shirts you need a special bra.I thought one bra type pretty much was all purpose for daily wear, but apparently, as in all other things lingerie, this is not true. You must wear a seamless cup bra with a "thin layer of foam for modesty purposes, so your nipples wont show." Hey' I'm just quoting Tomima Edmark, the founder of Her Room, an online business devoted to outfitting us properly in the lingerie department. She's the expert in nipple coverage.

A sexy bra
A sexy bra is needed for evening wear because it makes us feel good and of course we always want to feel good and sexy. Black apparently is the sexiest, although it seems red might be right up there. I get this one, no brainer on the sexy bra. The lack of one of these in my lingerie drawer might have been the reason for the look of eye rolling scorn on my daughter's face.

A strapless bra
You heard me, supposedly no matter what size we are in the breast area, we can find a strapless bra that will hold those globular glands of sexiness up and keep them perky, so our bare shoulders (with age spots covered by make-up) can entice our men into turning into suave sexy debonair play boys who sweep us up into their arms and whisk us away into a Calgon fantasy of some sort or the other..

Racerback bra
According to the lingerie police we also need what is called a racerback bra or a front closure because we want to be able to go sleeveless when we're in menopause and having a hot flash..(we do??). Apparently with one of these we can wear a tank top without our bra straps showing.

Of course it says nothing about those bare sagging arms that are showing and slumping back into our armpits. Do they make some sort of bra that takes that upper arm and pulls it taut and tight back down into your bra? Now that would be some engineering I could get behind!

My number two daughter said something about how unattractive it was to look at bra straps showing. I wish that was my problem, my unattractive bra strap. How about if it's a lacy black bra strap, huh? Wouldn't that work? It would give a tantalizing glimpse of the bra underneath my tank top, shifting focus away from those arms and allowing my hunky guy to want to see that sexy bra, shifting his gaze away from those arms. I said that already, didn't I?

Now that we have the bra lingerie area mapped out, it's time to move to the panties. Supposedly we are to never, ever be caught sick or dead or wanting to encourage in any form of sexual activity with old lady white pants on, pink or blue ones either for that matter. Just toss them away and choose one of the following.

Bikini panties
It's okay, they'll just roll right down into your jeans and your jeans will hold them up. ...I think...?? What else can I say? I know you wouldn't wear a bikini if someone paid you hefty sums of money, but supposedly this style is more flattering to we older women.

I wonder about the panel that decided that. Were there lines of 50 plus women strolling down the run way sporting various types of undies and who were the judges who decided what was attractive. Yeah, if the model was a model..and 50, then I'm sure those bikini panties looked great on her. But my neighbor, whose bikini line is buried under some massive tummy rolls. I'm thinking no. Just no.

Boy Short panties
I tried these on the other day. Hmm. All I can say, is they want me to throw away my waist high undies and replace them with waist high undies that have legs in them?

Actually these were pretty comfortable and I'm wearing them right now, instead of getting dressed this morning. It's just me, my t-shirt bra, with t-shirt and my boy shorts typing away. Very comfy indeed. I may never get fully dr essed again.

Okay, the last item every sexy woman over 50 must have in her lingerie wardrobe? Drum roll please!

A thong!
Yes, that's right, we're supposed to wear a thong, because the "person"in our life just likes that. No matter if your thong look resembles sumo wrestler attire, he'll just like it. Or so say, the lingerie fashion divas of the world. My daughters laughed uproariously at the idea of their mother wearing a thong and said, "No." to that idea.

Will new lingerie really take years off of us middle age ladies in the prime of our life? Well, I see no thong in my future but I am still loving the boy shorts! I'm beginning to feel the urge to climb a tree again...

And if you'd like to see some mighty fine women over 50, check out the video by the Righteous Mothers called Old Fat Naked Women for Peace. Very clever and awesome in its awesomeness! And yes, there are old naked women, but no frontal nudity, just beautiful old women who have a great sense of themselves and their wisdom. No lingerie needed!

Resources

Her Room

Old Fat Naked Women for Peace
http://www.righteousmothers.com/pages/RMVideo.html

Righteous Mothers
http://www.righteousmothers.com/pages/listen.php