Top Ten Reasons Cats Suck!

10. Pooping in the sandbox. That is not the treasure kids should be digging for when they play in their sand. No Timmy, that is not chocolate nor is it a special stone. Put it down and wash your hands.

9. Pee on homework. A cat peeing on homework is just as believable as a dog eating your homework. I guess you could always turn it in regardless of the odor and stain, and you teacher will be out sick a few days. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be getting an A on my creative foods project.

8. Eat your hair as you sleep. It may not be the style you want, and it does look like you cut your own bangs, but at least you don't have to pay for a haircut. That is if you don't mind a few stares for a while. Well maybe you can bring that David Bowie look back.

7. Spraying the garden. I guess weed killer was not enough. Thanks Snowball for helping kill the rest of the weeds, and everything else in the garden.

6. Mating Calls. Like an alarm clock... that goes off every hour. If your cat is horny don't expect to get a good sleep that night. I think it may be time to neuter. Or get a better pet, you know whatever... Why the hell are they made so irresistible when they are kittens when they only grow up to be the most foul creature on earth.

5. Hair Balls. Did you get a new carpet? Oh no... that is just a combination of cat hair and spit. It may be soft to the touch but it is still vile. These are the landmines of the cat world. Have you ever stepped on one barefoot? It may be time to amputate.

4. Use the carpet as toilet paper. The treasure Timmy found in the sandbox does have one use, it can decorate your carpet! The best part is you don't even have to do it, your cat will do it all for you.

3. Shedding fur. Can't afford a fur coat? Just lay a plain coat out and sit back as your cat takes a nap on it. You will have a coat of fur, dandruff, and fleas in no time.

2. Clawing the furniture. Cats are just like interior designers. Not only can they help you put a new pattern on a carpet but you can have stripes on the sofa as well.

1. Birds for gifts. What a lovely gift to find at my door or feet.... a dead bird. Blood, guts, and disease. Thank you Kitty. This is exactly what I needed.