Top Ten Things that Drive Me Crazy About Thailand

I was thinking this morning that, even though I've lived in Thailand for five years and love it here, some stuff still drives me nuts. After all, it's still an alien culture and they still do things differently here. So, I came up with a list of the top ten things that drive me nuts about Thailand. Of course, take it with a grain of salt - it's just meant to be silly, not serious.

10. Thai sidewalks - I'm developing rounded shoulders and a permanent crick in my back because of looking down when I'm walking on Thai sidewalks. Every sidewalk in Thailand consists of one huge hole after another, with cement that's bumpy and uneven and wires from the electricity poles often left dangling. If you don't look down, you fall over or down something and I'd rather not break my leg, thank you. Add into this the motorbikes that drive on the sidewalk, the street dogs everywhere, and the food stalls that are set up on them, and every sidewalk in Thailand is nothing more than an obstacle course.

9. Thai taxi drivers - Taxis are cheap in Thailand, around $1 a trip, but Thai taxi drivers can be a bit frustrating. For some reason, many of them don't want to go where you want to go, even if it's just around the corner and a few blocks down.By law, if they stop, they're supposed to take you wherever you say but try telling them that when you don't speak much Thai and they're pulling away as you're head is still stuck in the back door of the taxi.

8. The bloody rain - it rains all the time in Thailand. Almost every day, for at least seven months of the year, it chucks it down. Like cats and dogs. Really. And when you rely on public transportation and taxis to get you from A to B, a rainy day can really screw with your plans. Everybody in Bangkok suddenly wants a taxi when it rains, so sometimes walking home and getting soaked is your only option. But....one of my Thai friends did teach me the Thai for "It rains every f**king day", so at least now I can express my displeasure and people understand me!

7. The heat - It couldn't be any hotter. Honestly. It's hot from the minute you leave the house till the minute you get home. Dripping with sweat is my natural condition and spending 10 minutes in the bathroom cleaning up is mandatory when I get to work. If you come from a cold country you think you'll like the weather. Wait till you've been here a couple of years. You'll be begging for just one cold day. Pleeease!

6. The slowness - Thais just don't know how to be quick. Sometimes I buy a muffin at Au Bon Pain on my way to work. Now, tell me....how is it possible to take 10 minutes to put a muffin in a bag and ring it up on the cash register? I see it being done every day and I still can't figure out how they move so slowly.

5. No air-conditioning in bathrooms - Like I said, Thailand is one of the hottest countries in the world. Yet, in most shopping malls and office buildings, the bathrooms don't have air-conditioning. Everywhere else does, but the smelliest, ickiest room in the building is steamy and humid and really rank when you're trying to peel off damp, sweaty clothes and freshen up a bit.

4. No air-conditioning in elevators either - Most elevators in Thailand, even in the fancy office buildings, don't have air. Add to that the fifty Thai people that have just crammed on the elevator with you (Thais have no sense of personal space), and it's really freakin' hot in there.

3. Thais have no sense of personal space - Like an American-Thai friend of mine keeps saying, Thais have no spatial awareness. They'll get on an underground train that's almost empty and then come and stand right next to you. There's a whole freakin' train carriage available. Why don't you go and stand somewhere else?

2. The traffic jams - Traffic is horrendous in Bangkok. Last night, I took a taxi from my local mall to my apartment. It was raining. A trip that takes only 15 minutes to walk and less than 3 minutes in a taxi normally, took 55 minutes in the rain. I could have walked there and back....... twice. But....it was raining.....like someone was empty the world's largest aquariums no our heads, over and over again. So, I sat in the taxi and patiently waited while we crawled less than 10 yards every minute. Fix the traffic, Thai government. Seriously!

1. Thai girls - Seriously, I love Thai girls. Some of my best friends are Thai girls. But they are the slowest people on the planet and they always walk in a gaggle. If you get behind one, they will also walk from side to side, never in a straight line. This means, if you try to pass them on the left, they'll move left. So, you try to pass them on the right and then they move right. Getting behind a Thai girl on the sidewalk can add 10 minutes to your trip. Some days, it's a good job I don't have a machine gun or I would strafe them all with bullets. No problem.

There you have it. Ten things that drive me nuts about Thailand. Tongue in cheek. Really. No place is perfect; we'd be bored if it was.