Top Ten Ways to Get Fired and Lose Your Job
Ten Easy Steps to Losing Your Job and Getting Fired from Work
Top Ten Ways to Get Fired & Lose Your Job
1. Look Bored at Work & Get Fired: This will make everyone understand you hate your job and have better things to do than show up for work. Better yet, don't do any work at work. This is an excellent tactic to use if you want to make sure your manager knows you don't care about working for that company and to get yourself fired.
2. Ignore the Customers & Lose Your Job : Let the customers know you have better things to do than wait on them. Ignore the clients, make them mad, and soon you won't have to fool with them at all.
3. Be a Workplace Drama Queen & Earn a Pink Slip: Become emotional every time a customer or supervisor criticizes you or things don't go your way. Don't just get upset when someone is actually being mean -- be a drama queen about any perceived slight. Turn on the water works and raise your voice an octave and a decibel level. You will soon be performing your dramatic one-man-show at home. You won't win an academy award, but you will win a pink slip!
4. Bully your Coworkers & Join the Unemployment Lines: Bully your coworkers into doing things your way. Scowl at people you don't like and stare them down. Try to intimidate fellow employees by your belligerent body language, facial expressions, malicious gossip and getting into their space. If that doesn't work, force the intimidation issue by physically bumping, shoving, pushing, or even hitting a coworker. This will ensure you are soon shoved out the door and into the unemployment line.
5. Use Your Coworkers as Your Personal Therapists & Get Terminated: Tell them all your personal problems, and tell them more problems the next day. Shed a few tears regularly. Hang around the most sympathetic workers and interfere with their ability to get their job done. Why just waste your time when you can waste someone else's time at work as well? Soon you will have plenty of time to tell your latest trouble to your cat at home -- how you got fired from your job.
6. Flirt with the Ladies (or Men) at Work & Flirt with Sexual Harassment Charges: You know they really like it, so take advantage of the young, pretty girls and hang around their work stations, flirting. Exchange some sexual banter with your coworkers. If someone acts like they don't like it, take that as a personal challenge and become more persistent. Follow your prey, and if possible, brush up against them or get in the habit of a groping hug. Soon you will be groping your wallet as you pay an attorney to get you off of a sexual harassment charge.
7. Use Office Equipment for Personal Use & Become Unemployed: Make long-distance phone calls, check your email, join in some online chats, shop ebay, and download files for your personal use. After all, why pay for it at home when you can get it free at work! Soon you will have lots more time to do these things at home, just without all the handy office equipment. However, I hear unemployment offices have phones and computers in them...
8. Drink on the Job & Drown in Job Loss: Drink or do drugs on the job or before work. Then you can be the life of the party at work or too stoned to care. Your altered state will soon alter your employment status and give you one more thing to drink about -- the fact you were fired.
9. Don't Show Up for Work & Get Laid Off: Call in sick, show up late, take long lunches, go for frequent smoke and coffee breaks, and leave early as often as possible. There is no better way to show your employer you don't want to stay at your job than by not showing up, and soon you won't have to show up at work at all!
10. Steal from the Company & Trump Says, "You're Fired!": Take the attitude that office supplies were put there to use, so you might as well take them home and use them there. Or take pilfering to the next level and start removing valuables. This is a great way to give yourself a hasty exit from your job... and maybe a few legal problems as well.
Or if you would prefer not to be fired during these hard economic times and would like to keep your job instead, just do the opposite of the above 10 suggestions to remain gainfully employed.
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Published by Kathryn E. Darden
An author, poet, publisher, publicist & skincare consultant, I have written for publications including CCM Magazine, The Tennessean, Barbie Bazaar Magazine, Christian Activities & several local newspapers.... View profile
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- Ten easy steps to losing your job and getting fired!
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24 Comments
Post a CommentMy problem is that I didn't do any of these things, but yet I keep getting fired. I've had three jobs in the last three years. I am qualified and always on time, nothing to do with my performance. Each office had just one person that decided to not like me, so since they were there longer I was let go. I'm almost afraid to get another job for fear of losing it, I feel there is a black cloud over me. I know I have to get over this, but its very embarrasing to keep losing jobs, as people see me as the one common denomiator.
i hate my snooty workers and customers fights and comments and..... looks!:)
i hate my job and i'm actually trying to get fired! I'm pregnant and just don't have the energy to deal with customers. plus, if i quit i can't collect unemployment, so i guess i'll try a couple of these and see if they work.
At my last job that fired me%2C the supervisor went around telling people she%27d never get fired cause sheknow things about everyone...she%27d own the business. then she fired me and wouldn%27t give me a reason.
Good points! It's hard to believe that everyone isn't on their "best behavior" in this economy... jobs are hard to find.
It's kinda sad, but I've worked with people who did all of these things, and still weren't fired or even reprimanded. It just made more work for those of us who actually cared about our jobs.
lol - sad but so true!
Practical pointers - with humor.
Very true in most places, but at my work......the people there do all of this and don't get fired! It's extrememly frustrating for those of us that actually try to do a good job.
this was absolutely hilarious! I know all these people! Have you been to my old job? jp