Top Ten Ways to Successfully Avoid Writing

One of my favorite quotes about the writing process goes something like this: I don't like writing - I like having written. I think that sums it up nicely. After all, with all due respect to construction workers and those guys turning signs on the side of the road, writing is hard work. Being a writer is cool, but the actual writing - that's for the birds. So the trick becomes, how to be a writer without actually writing. With this in mind, here are a few tips that will help you avoid writing, without the guilt.

10. Email
Reading and responding to emails are great ways to eat up writing time. After all, you do have to check it. You can't miss that important forward your best friend from college sent. Plus, responding to emails helps fulfill that need to write. Writing is writing, right?

9. Read about Writing
This is a great way to avoid writing altogether - you can read about it. There's nothing like reading helpful articles or books on writing to make you feel like you've actually accomplished useful toward your writing career.

8. Find a Chore
After you've started up the computer and sat down to write, there's nothing better than some miscellaneous household chore that suddenly needs your attention. Not only will you avoid writing, but you're writing environment will be free of distracting clutter.

7. Rearrange Your Desk
Everyone knows you can't write without the proper work environment. Experiment with different lay outs for your desk area. Rearranging the things on your desk is a great way to busy yourself before actually writing. Even better -- read a book about how to design the optimal writing environment. That will eat up even more time.

6. Check Your Email Again
While you were doing all the previous things, someone may have sent you an email. You better check.

5. Research
Poke around online doing research on your topic. Technically it's sort of work. And you can totally justify spending hours on You Tube to your friends and family - all in the name of writing.

4. Eating
Well-documented studies show people can't concentrate on an empty stomach. And how can you write if you can't concentrate? Optimal snacks to avoid writing include messy foods that require washing your hands before returning to the computer keyboard and salty foods that will require separate trips to get drinks. Of course all that salt and liquid will result in numerous trips to the bathroom, which will also help you avoid writing.

When picking snacks be sure to use small portions that you will have to get up and refill constantly.

3. Call a Friend
If you're hard-pressed to find something that will help you avoid writing, call a friend and discuss the problem. Be sure to explain the project you are stalling on in detail, so your friend will be able to provide the best advice. Remember, writing is a lonely business, and you don't want to lose contact with your friends and family. Besides, networking is everything in this business.

If you can't get in touch with a friend by phone, you should...

2. Check Your Email Again
You never know - they may have sent you an email.

1. Wait for Inspiration
Call it inspiration; call it your muse; call it whatever you like - this is perhaps the most useful excuse of them all. Waiting for that muse's call has been a writing tradition since the days of Aristotle. Plus, it even sounds like something a writer would say.

If none of these tips work, you may want to read this article repeatedly until you are too tired to concentrate on writing. Then go to bed early so you can wake up tomorrow, refreshed and ready to avoid writing. There are literally thousands of ways to avoid writing. Post in forums. Watch TV for inspiration. Get up from the desk and move around. The important thing is to find what works for you.

Or, you can always do what I do to avoid writing - write an article about it.