Top Ten New Year's Resolutions for God

10. Quit Smoking - So many people still smoke, and so many people die from smoking. We've yet to really understand why this thing exists, so maybe God needs to just get rid of it. I mean maybe it was a failed experiment, and he just needs to admit defeat. Get rid of the cigarettes, and the craving.

9. Lose Weight - There are many things holding progress back, but it seems in terms of the world God has allowed too much fat in, and he needs to be a little more conscious of how much weight his people are gaining, and perhaps develop better tasting healthy food.

8. Eat Less Meat - The same goes for meat. Most people love the taste of meat, but at the same time many of those people are fully aware of the cruelty that is involved in producing that meat. It's somewhat of conundrum. A nice project for God would be developing an alternative that tastes better than meat, and leaves you feeling less guilty.

7. Be More Open When Dating - It's about time God stopped being so picky when it comes to relationships. He needs to learn that being gay is natural and it's ok to allow it to happen no matter what state or country you live in.

6. Take Charge At Work - God seems to be delegating too much at the office, and some of the people working for him are ruining his good name. He needs to learn to either do things himself, or have a better screening process for picking his subordinates.

5. Learn to Play a New Instrument - God, I think we're ready for some new music. We've been listening to the hip-hop and the rock in different variations for what seems like a few decades. It's time to introduce that new style that really breaks the mold. Another Elvis impact would be a great way to take our minds off of the economy.

4. Spend Less Money - During these hard times, God needs to stop people from spending money on useless things. Just be a little more aware of what people consider a necessity, such as phones that play music, computers that make phone calls, and game systems that replace physical activities.

3. Exercise More Often - God needs to make people get in better shape, because we are way too excited when we get a president who is good at basketball and seems to be in good shape. It's great that Barack Obama is in shape, (despite the smoking but we already covered that) but our presidents in the past use to be war heroes that led troops into battle with their legs propped up on the front of small boats displaying incredible leadership and balance. Maybe with his strong and confident persona, Obama is God's first move in this direction.

2. Read More Often - It seems like God needs to supply some more education for his people, because there's been some really poor decision making going on, and providing some educational support may be the answer.

1. Find Yourself - God needs to take some God time and really look deep inside himself. It seems like he really doesn't know who he is, and should think hard about what his real beliefs and principles are, and how he might need to adjust to his new world. Perhaps set aside one day a week where he can discuss his feelings and learn more about life and morals to better his own soul.

I hope God sticks to some of these resolutions, but I understand how hard it can be, especially when you're busy. Hopefully his friends and coworkers will recognize his goal and provide him with the support he needs.