Top Twenty Frank Barone Quotes and Scenes

On Tuesday, December 12, 2006, many of us lost a dear, beloved grandpa. He was not necessarily blood related, but he warmed our hearts just like any grandpa should. He gave us laughs, he did things that made us shake our heads, and for many of us he kept our eyes glued to the television screen waiting for the next silly thing he would do. Peter Boyle, or more popularly known as Frank Barone, reminded most Americans of there grumpy, yet loveable grandfathers and fathers. Here are some top twenty quotes and scenes to remember him by.

1. "Sorry, Frankenstein's house of tooth decay is closed."

2. Marie: "Don't you tell me to be quiet! I have a mind of my own you know! I can contribute! I'm not just some... trophy wife!"
Frank: "You're a trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?"

3. "Zero serving zero ... Ray can kiss my rear-o!"

4. Frank: "Nice? I tried it once. Didn't care for it."
Marie: "Did the same thing happen with smart?"

5. Marie: "Who keeps pornography for 29 years?"
Frank: "Anyone married to you."

6. "I could have eaten a box of Alpha-Bits and crapped a better interview!"

7. Marie: "You've read the Bible, Frank?"
Frank: "I've read plenty of damn bibles!"

8. Marie: "Well I think it's sad when people start having surgery to make themselves bigger."
Frank: "Marie did it the natural way. Pound cake!"

9. Frank: "Don't say nothing about my lodge buddies."
Ray: "Who, the guys you swim naked with?"
Frank: "That's lodge policy!"

10. Frank: "You don't know a monkey wrench from a monkey's ass."

11. Frank: "Luck is the residue of good planning."

12. Marie: "Frank, do you love me?"
Frank: "You still need reassurance after 45 years of bondage?"

13. [Frank is eating lasagna from the platter]
Marie: "Frank! What are you doing? You can't eat it from there! Your fork was in there! Now nobody can eat it!"
Frank: "That's all I have to do? In that case, the fork's been in the ice cream, too!"
Ray: [comes in] "Hey."
Marie: "Hi, Raymond. Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat? Only you can't have lasagna... Or ice cream."
Frank: [sticks his fork in cake] "Or chocolate cake."
Marie: "Look at him! He's like an animal, marking his territory!"
[Frank sticks Marie with the fork]
Marie: "Hey!"
Frank: "What? That's a compliment."
Ray: "God, how I wish I could say this is the wrong house..."

14. [Robert started hanging out with African-Americans]
Frank: "I don't even understand one word you're saying anymore. Yesterday, why the hell did you call me 'dog'?"
Robert: "It's a good thing. It means I like you."
Frank: "I see. In that case, from this day on I'm calling you "jackass". That's also a sign of affection"
[Ray comes in]
Frank: "Hey, ugly."
Ray: "What the hell was that for?"
Frank: "It's 'Robert Talk'. It means you're good-looking."
Frank: [to Marie] "Hey, good-looking."

15. Frank walks in to everybody yelling]
Frank: "Be quiet! Be quiet!"
[Everybody quiets down]
Frank: "I'm hungry."

16. Frank: "What if I wanted to have more kids?"
Ray: "If God hasn't stopped you, the government will."

17. Marie: "We haven't had a conversation for 35 years."
Frank: "I didn't want to interrupt!"

18. Frank: "What's for brunch, Marie?"
Marie: "Ham."
Frank: "Excellent. I shall put on my ham pants."

19. Marie: Frank: "I'll get the hose."

20. "You want to know the meaning of life? You're born, you go to school, you go to work, you die. Canole... Marie"

21. As a bonus, let us not forget Frank's love to say, "Holy Crap!"