Top New Year's Resolutions for Britney Spears
Don't Let Your Life Become a Three-ring Circus
- Tour. Don't get sick and cancel like others. (Yes, Janet. I'm still bitter.) Don't get into any disputes with the venues. Don't reschedule. Just show up. Please.
- Keep your hair. No reason under the sun to be rockin' the bald look again. Try those tight head-flips without hair. Probably a slightly disturbing sight. It's just a bad idea. Period.
- Take your stuff back. Sure, your Dad may make awesome cheese grits, cry at your video shoots, and be a generally cool individual. However, you are nearly thirty. If your stuff isn't yours now, then when is it ever?
- Get the live animals out of your show and videos. Maybe your animals aren't treated so terribly. However, using live animals is a bad idea. Mistreatment will nearly always occur, and animals are not consenting performers. Let them go to a nice reserve somewhere, and just pay your special effects team for some jaw-droppingly realistic animatronics.
- Stay cool. You seem to have it very together now. Since this is the case, make sure it stays that way. Keep taking control and don't let life run you over. We're rooting for you!
- Perfect your snappy dance moves. You're back on top and we couldn't be happier about it. One thing is missing though. Take a peek at your "I'm a Slave 4 U" or "Me Against the Music" videos and you'll see it. The dancing! When I see "Circus" performed on your tour, you better be dancing your freakin' butt off!
- Make a music video for "Mannequin." This track is screaming for a video, and I'm getting the nagging feeling that it won't get one. This is unacceptable. Take number six and merge those funky steps with an MTV smash hit video. (After you convince MTV to start playing music again, that is.)
- Draft an anti-paparazzi law. At best a nuisance and at worst cold-hearted barbarians, these maniacs need to learn the consequences of stalking. Lance was just saying something about a proposed law to regulate the paparazzi's ability to harass celebrities. Give the guy a call, hire some lawyers, and get to work. Heck, give me a call and I'll help you out.
- Collaborate with Justin Timberlake. No, we're not hoping for any kind of romantic reunion. We just want you guys to merge your awesome musical abilities to make something to top last year's mega-collaboration "4 Minutes."
- Take time for you. Now that you've got a top-selling album, upcoming concert tour, successful music videos, and a new documentary, don't forget to take some time to relax. Try meditation, a health spa, anything. Your managers will run you until you drop. Tell them to take a hike and just go off to the Bahamas for a few days.
Published by Chris A. Sosa
Independent media analyst with a background in both media theory and technical production, along with political discourse and legislative writing. View profile
Britney Spears Bashed by Fans for Lip SynchingFans who were able to see a very rare concert with Britney Spears performing at The House of Blues are now crying fowl because she was lip synching, they accused. 
Britney Spears Topless Pictures Circulating on WebTopless pictures of Britney Spears leaked and circulating.- Britney Spears "Performs" at the 2007 MTV Video Music AwardsBritney Spears comeback is anything but
Britney Spears: Toxic?Britney Spears performs at the VMA's in Vegas (well sort of) and is now facing her critics. - Top Ten Reasons Britney Spears Should Hire a DriverWhen I wrote Top Ten Reasons Britney Spears Should Wear Panties last year I was taking the matter lightly. This article, however, is no laughing matter
- Unique New Year's Resolutions
- Britney Spears Files for Divorce from Kevin Federline
- Top Ten Reasons Britney Spears Should Wear Panties
- The Three Best New Year's Resolutions for Weight Loss
- Britney Spears Meltdown Saga Continues
- How to Be More like Britney Spears
- Is One Month Enough to Cure Britney Spears?
1 Comments
Post a CommentExcellent New Year's resolutions! Great job here!