Topics to Avoid with Your Elderly Parents

Elderly parents tend to become settled and more conservative as they age. I have found this to be true with my parents. As they age, I have noticed there are certain conversations or topics that are no longer part of our communication. The topics are either too personal or cause an argument. Of course, these topics and taboos depend on each person and their generation and culture .

1) War, especially World War 2 seems to be a touchy subject. Often a parent has either been in a war, or has someone who has served, or passed away. In my case, both my parents served during World War 2. My Mother , temporarily in the Coast Guard in the states, and my Father in France and England. Talking about World War 2 or any war for that matte , seems to bring back memories they would rather forget.

2) I no longer complain about my health problems or issues. Either my parents have had the same ailment, and will tell me so or they tell me how to cure it. Also, my health at 49 is so much better than theirs at 87, so why should I burden them with my few aches and pains? A this point in life, I should be listening to theirs.

3) Modern technological terms are a no no with my parents. A lot of elderly people are technologically savvy, but my parents never joined the 21st century and probably never will. They think cell phones are useless, and don't know what texting is, let alone how to do it. I made the mistake once of saying GMTA to my Mom who responded,"' What?" I had to explain it was texting shorthand for great minds thing alike. The same goes for computers. Although they have used a computer before, they do not own one. A mention of Facebook or Twitter results in a blank stare from my parents.

4) Do not bring up finances. In return, you will be told how bad things were back then and how they sacrificed. I have a theory that as we get older, we make things worse than they really were. If I mention taxes are due, they advise that if I had scrimped and sacrificed like they had, I wouldn't be wondering where to get the money. By not bringing it up, I avoid a lecture.

5) Although it is a good idea to discuss care options with your parents, do not do it while they are still sane and very coherent. I have tried to face this issue with my Mom who says she is OK and needs no help. The option is to find the parent who is more willing to listen. My Father even brings up the subject of what he plans to do should he be left alone. The flip side of this issue is that, when they will be willing to talk about it, it will be too late. They probably won't understand at that point. That is where you make sure your parents wishes are written down and that all siblings agree on issues.

In a way, I sometimes wish I could freely talk to my parents. I guess it is part of the grieving process already realizing that, although they are still with me, I have lost parts of them. I can't talk about whatever I want. I have to step back and remember, I too am an adult, and no longer need care. I am so blessed to have them both still here at their age, and relatively healthy. But I do myself a favor by knowing what topics to avoid when talking to them. Weekly phone calls home seem to go a lot easier. Maybe a few of these pointers can also help others as they adjust in learning to communicate with aging parents.