Train Your Husband to Listen

There is one key thing when it comes down to getting your man to listen to you. Ladies, go ahead and guess.

No, if you took your top off you would get his attention, but his mind would be too distracted to listen to you. Besides, do you want your man to think of you asking him to take out the trash everytime he sees you topless? Try again...

Turn the tv off? Well, now that might work, but you might want to be careful with that one. You may not get into sports, but I'll explain it like this. If your husband turned off Passions just before Theresa was finally going to clear the air with Ethan about Little Ethan really being his son, imagine your reaction. (If you don't watch Passions; just improvise, okay?) Now if you turn the tv off at any moment in any football game, it would cause the same reaction. Just don't mess with it.

(Here's a note... if you complain about your soap's plot moving too slow, get into sports! There's moments where the game gets personal (ex. Colts quarterback Peyton Manning vs. brother Giants quarterback Eli Manning) where even if you are still rooting for the team with the better mascot or prettier color combo, you will be kept on the edge of your seat.)

Okay, well obviously you didn't decide to read this article to play a guessing game. You want me to tell you how to make your man listen to you. Now I don't know you, and I don't know your man, so I can only guarantee 90% that my advice will help. Before I go on any further, I want to check that the situation I am describing fits.

Have you ever said, or felt any of these? "Sometimes it's like talking to a brick wall!" "He acts like I'm bitching at him when I'm just asking him to do something!" Or "He says he'll do it, but he doesn't do it! It's so annoying!"

If these fit, keep reading. I think I can tell you what the problem is. Any guesses? (Just kidding.) Honestly, you're not going to like what I say, but maybe since I am another female you will choose to listen to it. You are nagging.

Hold on a minute. Don't go anywhere! I'm not going to side with the guys on this one! I will agree that women nag and nag and nag, but that is no excuse for them ignoring us. It's not a good excuse, but let's consider it as a solid reason.

First of all, you have every reason to be nagging, especially when you've had a hard day and you're juggling 3 tasks at once and all you want him to do is take out the trash for you. Now he may get upset when you ask (which means you are severely over reacting to your load and he senses you may be taking it out on him, which you may be doing without realizing.) He may say "Okay" and stay seated right there on the couch. I don't know the situation, I'm just making one up and there's a million ways he could not do what you asked. The bottom line is he isn't listening. It's because of the way you are asking.

In the example mentioned, let's say you are cooking dinner. You are peeling potatoes and the trash can is just about overflowing. You need the trash taken out right now. So how do you ask? "Could you please take the garbage out so I can finish these potatoes" sounds polite, right? Say it aloud to yourself and make sure that there is absolutely no tone of desperation or pressure. Those words can also sound like a pretty bitchy demand, especially to men.

Even if we have never nagged at this man, and I don't mean denial about it but we really have not nagged... it doesn't matter. Men seem to think everytime we open our mouths, we're nagging. So we can't change their minds about it, but we can be extra careful not to come across as nagging when we want them to listen.

Here's a tip on getting your man to take out the garbage during a commercial break so you can finish making dinner. First, you have to get him off the couch. With some men, this can be more difficult than with others, but the method I am offering should work with 75% of men. Sweetly bribe them into the kitchen. "Honey, come here so I can give you a kiss/hug." Make this sound like your ulterior motive. Follow through with it... it's helpful for both of you to spend 60 seconds in eachothers arms without saying anything, at random spurts through out the day.

After you have done this, continue the 'loving'. Ask about his day, or tell him something funny that happened to you that day. The point is to lift his spirit (and you will lift your own in doing this, I promise!) and take a break for each other. Make small talk. When all that is done and he is ready to return to his game, or whatever is occupying his time... ask if he could please take out the trash for you. If you want, you can add in that you need it cleaned out so you can finish peeling potatoes for dinner. You don't have to, that may sound a bit naggy to a guy, but here's the key. If he asks if he can do it next commercial break, say that it is fine. Don't get upset.

In fact, join him on the couch. You can't do anything with the potatoes anyways (don't mention this!) so you might as well join him. This will secure that your man, since they do have an awful memory, won't forget that he needs to take the trash out for you. Be sure your company is pleasant and not menacing. Relationships don't have to be an ongoing argument over nothing.

Let me try another example, and then I will send you on your way to training your man. In this example, you need him to stop on the way home and pick up an ingredient or more that you need to make dinner. (I don't mean to have such 'sexist' examples set... that's just the way I choose them.)

For sake of simplicity, let's call these ingredients bread, milk, and eggs. Now if you are a woman, that's pretty easy to remember. Even if the ingredients aren't so basic... but we don't have the memory of a man. We can remember things if we feel they are important. Men, like children, have a better memory for things that interest them. Sorry, but groceries don't fit that category.

In this situation, you are not asking your man just to listen, you are asking him to remember. Not just one thing, but 3 things. Unless you want him coming home with Doritos, beer, and barbecue sauce... you need to work with him on this. Ask him to write it down, and let him know you trust him but it's important. If you are going to ask him to write it down, fluff his ego by making it sound harder than it is. (1% milk, one dozen large brown organic eggs, and a loaf of wheat bread.) This way, he won't take offense to you asking him to take notes.

Also, time your request. Don't call to ask a favor if you know he's busy. If he is busy, ask him to call back when he's free. Time your request more towards the time he will be leaving, and on his way home... so his mind won't have returned to work and forgotten all about your request, and the note he took.

I'm sure I can come up with one more example of a man not listening. (There's so many to choose from!)

Okay, let's say you asked your man to spend one day with you this weekend. You both need some alone time together, so you discuss spending Saturday night together.

In this situation, it can be very frustrating if you have been looking forward all week to doing something together on Saturday; and then on Friday night your man mentions he wants to go out with the guys. This situation can easily be avoided if your man remembers that you will be upset if he even thinks about mentioning doing anything on Saturday, besides what you want.

He needs to know that you feel some alone time is very important, that you've been feeling neglected or better yet that you just really want to spend some time with him. (You can relay this without nagging. Everything communicated positively has a 99% better chance of getting through and sticking.)

You can spend all week discussing what you would like to do together. Either make plans and see how he feels (before booking any reservations) or toss ideas back and forth. Either way, get him involved. When his friends invite him to go out on Saturday, it can be very tempting. But it will be easier for him to say "Maybe some other time" if he remembers that he has plans, and that they are important.

Sometimes all you have to do is talk about something with him, not at him, and he will be able to read that it is important. The bottom line is this; when you're training a man, you have to have a positive attitude yourself and you have to be open to his needs and desires as well. If you're negative, demanding, or stubborn then you will always be talking to a brick wall.