Trainwreck of the Month: Lindsay Lohan

First of all, we have to give credit where credit is due: Leslie Sloane Zelnik is the hardest working agent in show business. Especially when you consider that her job is to make someone like Lindsay Lohan look competent, if not bankable in the eyes of a movie studio, and all without having to have a team of lawyers concoct a multi-million-dollar completion guarantee. And let me tell ya: That's a damn tough job to have.

Now, I promised myself that I wouldn't spend too much time talking about good ol Li-Lo or any member of what I like to call the Trollop Trifecta (Britney, Lindsay , Paris), bBut in light of her recent Memorial Day escapades - doing a "usable amount of a substance initially identified as cocaine,"crashing her car, being arrested for DUI and then photographed passed out in another car (above) less than 48 hours later - I have no choice but to at least extol a few words of praise for Lindsay's efforts to keep the paparazzi employed. And what with Paris in jail and Britney continuing to be crazy, it's nice to see that Lindsay is still going strong and taking a big lead in the race to the bottom.

So while Lindsay got a head start on her 21st birthday debauchery Leslie Sloane Zelnik, spin doctor extraordinaire spent her holiday writing up an official statement showing how concerned her client is with getting the help she needs... Again:
"Lindsay admitted herself to an intensive medical rehabilitation facility on Memorial Day. Because this is a medical matter, it is our hope that the press will appreciate the seriousness of the situation and respect the privacy of Lindsay as well as the other patients receiving treatment at the facility."Does "intensive medical rehabilitation" mean staying more than 24 hours this time?

Word that Lindsay went back into rehab came only hours after the Daily Variety reported that she had joined the cast of "Poor Things," a comedy starring Oscar winner Shirley MacLaine and set to begin filming next week.

According to paparazzi-fueled celeb news sites, there is word from an inside source that arrangements are being made to shuttle Lindsay back and forth from her rehab resort in Malibu to the set in Santa Monica.

We're sure some film school graduate turned production assistant is going to LOVE their new job of cleaning up the puke from the back of his 15 passenger van every day.

So here's to Lindsay and her constant efforts to do whatever she can to ruin her life. For this, she gets the coveted "Trainwreck of the Month award". Congrats, Li-Lo, you earned it.