Transitioning Techniques for Children when Visiting a Non-Custodial Parent

It's usually scary and exciting for a child when it is time for them to visit the non-custodial parent. The child is happy and excited that he or she will be seeing their other parent, but they are also scared because they are leaving their primary care-giver behind. Children sometimes have behavioral problems when transitioning to or from Mom's or Dad's house. Here are some tips for children transitioning to or from the non-custodial parent.

Transitioning techniques

Routine - Some children do not adjust well to interruptions in their routines. It is best to have a child on a routine at both parent's houses in order to keep the child performing at his or her best. Separated or divorced parents should try to do the same routine as the other parent regardless of how the parents feel toward each other. This will benefit the child. The child's wellbeing is the only thing that should matter.

One important routine to have is the pickup and drop-off times. Children get used to seeing someone at a certain time and the child will be expecting the person then. It's important to let the child know what days and what times he or she will be with which parent.

Same Rules - Mom and Dad need to consult about rules. They should both have the same rules so the child is not confused about what he or she should can or cannot do. This is important for a smooth transitioning. If Dad lets little Jimmy run all over the house with ice-cream dripping on the floors, little Jimmy is going to be upset and confused when Mom says no. Little Jimmy will start acting out if there is a lot of different rules at different places.

Same consequences - Like rules, consequences need to be the same or similar. The consequences should be discussed between the parents before a child goes to the non-custodial parent's house. If the child breaks a big rule and the non-custodial parent punishes the child, but the punishment goes into the primary caregiver's time, the parent that punishes should call the other parent to let them know what happened and get their opinions on the punishment. The reason is punishment can turn into he said she said, he let's me/she lets me arguments with the child.

Non-custodial parent calls - The non-custodial parent should call the child to remind the child of his or her time with them. The parent should also let the child know what they are going to do so the child can pack accordingly. There may be something special the child would like to have for certain activities.

Primary caregiver reinforcement - The primary caregiver needs to reinforce that the non-custodial parent will be coming to pickup at a certain time and day. The parent should also ask what the plans are and if he or she needs to give them anything special. The child will probably let the primary caregiver know if they are worried about the visit and the parent can subside their fears.

Quick drop-offs - When parents drop their child off at the other parent's house the drop-off should be quick. It should be treated as if you were dropping your child off at school. He or she may cry, but the other parent can and should handle it. It will be less likely the child acts out if he or she knows when the next time is that you will visit so be prepared.

Primary caregivers need to remember that they had the child with the other parent. If the other parent is trying to be a part of the child's life, he or she may need some type of instruction as to how. You do not have to like the other parent, you just have to make sure your child has a safe and happy environment. With these transitioning techniques your child will make a smooth transition from house to house and not act out because of insecurities.