Trix Rabbit Murders Asshole Children, Eats Cereal

(Los Angeles, CA) In a horrific act of violence that left four multicultural children dead, the Trix Rabbit™ brutally attacked and murdered his commercial costars in order to taste the General Mills cereal he endorses.

During the course of the filming of a new television commercial for Trix cereal, animated children Jimmy, Amy, Jamal, and Xiang were acting out an African Safari scene when the tragedy transpired. The Trix Rabbit made a leap for the coveted bowl of cereal after sliding down the back of a giraffe, at which point Amy and Xiang snatched the bowl away from his grasp and uttered the trademark "silly Rabbit, Trix are for KIDS!" Seconds later, the enraged lepus pulled a concealed knife and proceeded to stab the four children to death. The Rabbit managed to gorge itself on the bowl of cereal before animal control officers shot the General Mills spokesman to death.

"I mean, I don't really blame him. Frankly I'm surprised he lasted this long without cracking. Those kids were just rotten to him, and when one group of them would get too old, then a new breed of little assholes would get on his case," said commercial director Bill Varney, "I don't see why the hell they kept going with this gag when they knew he was unhinged."

Allegedly the Trix Rabbit entered therapy six months previously on the advice of the General Mills human relations department. Although his psychiatrist strongly recommended that the Rabbit be given a leave of absence from commercial appearances, General Mills management staunchly opposed the measure. The Rabbit has appeared in Trix advertisements since 1961.

The parents of the deceased children have refused to offer comments concerning their little assholes' roles in driving the Trix Rabbit to commit such a brutal crime. Meanwhile, General Mills has put out a casting call for a new rabbit to be spokesman for the cereal, refusing to give up on the "Silly Rabbit" advertising campaign.

"Look, I understand that this was horrible, but to give up on such a successful and brilliant marketing tool would be corporate suicide," stated Russel Barnes, marketing director at General Mills.

A memorial service for the little assholes and the remains of the Rabbit will be held on Thursday.