Truckin' Down the Highway in the Moose

Think tank.

Now think thank on giant wheels instead of treads.

Don't think Monster Truck, at least terms of the big trucks that show up and crush cars at big shows in giant arenas. Think Monster Truck as in something from a horror writer's imagination.

Paint it black. Put a huge cow-catcher bumper on the front end, big enough to dance on. Wrinkle a fender and stove in the passenger side door. Now, put a huge diesel engine under the hood, a gun rack in each of the side windows in the back and a Stars & Bars Rebel Flag decal covering the entire back window. You'll need a step to get into the cab.

When I took possession of this old Blazer a college buddy from New York City told me it was the greatest vehicle I had ever owned. His girlfriend at the time christened it The Moose. The first time he saw it we took it out for a lengthy drive. We headed an hour south to the farm I own and drove through the woods. A pine tree, some 10 inches in diameter was partly fallen. It was still almost as high as the truck.

I drove right over it to the screams of the three passengers who insisted we were going to get stuck, wrecked, etc etc. When I got over and beyond the truck, it was silent. They could not believe I'd just driven over a tree that would have totaled a smaller vehicle, like the ones they drove.

Another evening I was headed to another friend's house. He owned a repair shop on I-75 and lived on the other side of the interstate. We headed to his place, he in front in his truck. As I crossed the overpass, someone in a station wagon pulled out about halfway into the road from the convenience store parking lot. My friend swerved around them. I gunned the engine. The diesel sounded loud across the parking lot and the road. The station wagon driver's eyes got wide and he nearly left rubber on the pavement he backed up so quickly.

I laughed all the way to my friend's house.

Eventually The Moose developed mechanical problems that were both beyond my ability to repair and beyond my budget to fund. As much as I hated to, I turned the hulking beast over to a junkyard.

I have missed it ever since. One of these days I will get another one. I'll jack it up, put a cowcatcher bumper on the front and go look for more trees to run over.