True Life: I was Celibate Until Marriage

Flipping through the channels the other day, I stumbled upon an episode of True Life on Mtv. The True Life series is a documentary series which follows three Mtv generation individuals as they deal with a common issue. In the past True Life has spotlighted eating disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, drug addition, etc. This episode, though, seemed a bit out of place. It was entitled, True Life: I'm Celibate. Mtv, the gospel of many teenagers, in one titling decision had grouped self-imposed celibacy with mental, physical and addictive disorders. Although the show appears to be documentary in nature, it obviously spun the stories to indicate that the celibates featured had made a strange, culturally deficient decision when choosing to abstain from sex. This irks me as I chose celibacy until I was married myself. It was by far the best decision for me and I resent the way Mtv presented it. So, here is my take on True Life: I Was Celibate until Marriage.

Growing up in Christian home, I was always taught that sex was to be enjoyed between a husband and wife in a marriage, and not before. That did stick in the back of my mind, but I wasn't what you would call the honor student Christian in my teenage years. I was very curious and experimental with most aspects of my life, regardless of my religious upbringing. However, something about celibacy just held a special place in my moral code. Like most teenagers, the typical scare tactics of warning against addiction, accidents, diseases and such didn't really hit home with my invincible mindset. In this childish mindset, I really didn't see the negative aspects happenings and didn't see how abstaining from drinking, cursing, or reckless driving was going to benefit me any, so I experimented. On the flip side though, several people during my formative years did explain to me celibacy benefits that stuck for some reason. They didn't use negative consequences to sell me on the idea. They focused on the positives that would come out of a life of celibacy until marriage. And now that I'm married, I can say all of these benefits came to fruition.

First, I had a very progressive youth leader in my church who viewed sex as a wonderful thing that should be enjoyed. She never talked about it like it was dirty or a guilty pleasure. She just explained that it was only truly enjoyed in a marriage. She explained to us that God intended sex to be awesome. She also explained that if God wanted it to be great and wanted us to wait till marriage, that he would make it the greatest when we did. That made sense to me. Sex may be awesome anytime, but if I wait until marriage, God himself will make it unbelievably super awesome! One point for the celibacy team.

Next, growing up in our America culture, a lot of emphasis from TV to music to movies is placed on sexual prowess and, well, endowments. Choosing celibacy for me was a no-brainer because of this. On TV, we are presented with people everyday talking about which lover was the best, who was the most passionate, who gave who the most pleasure. It is as if everyone has a scoring scale that each subsequent lover is placed upon. People are in constant concern as to where they fit on their lover's scales. Also, being as delicate as possible when saying this, American culture would lead men to believe that women keep another such scale that might measure in actual inches. When my wife and I did consummate our relationship on our wedding night, I did not have to worry about any of this. Being that we had both chosen celibacy until our wedding, there were no preconceived scoring scales. We both scored a 100% and have improved that 100% even more as the years go by. I have no comparisons floating around in the back of my head and neither does my wife. Knowing this is the most freeing and wonderful feeling. Celibacy scores again!

Lastly, my celibacy was the best gift I could give my wife. Once being presented with the above benefits, coupled with the morals instilled with my faith, I purchased a purity ring my freshmen year of high school. This ring was a simple silver band purchased for $20 at Walmart. I placed it on my key ring and carried it with me everywhere I went as a reminder of the promise I had made to myself, to God, and to my future wife. I didn't flaunt it, I just kept it near. Close to my wedding, I went to a local engraving store and purchased a small crystal jewelry box. I had its lid engraved with the words, true love waits. On our wedding night, I was able to give this ring in the crystal box to my wife. It was just a token representing the real gift of celibacy we had given to each other up to this point. My wife still has that box and ring on her dresser and treasures it. I don't think I'll ever top that gift.

I can't say I'm proud that originally my selfish desire to benefit myself was the driving force behind my celibacy, but I can say I'm proud I did it. As an adult who lived the celibate life until my wedding, I can say with confidence it wasn't easy. I did have temptations and even opportunities, but I stayed the course. As a result, I can say that celibacy was one of the greatest decisions in my True Life story. My life would be completely different it I had not abstained from sex until marriage.