Trump vs. Rosie: A Celeb Feud That Got Too Much Attention

Leading up to Saddam's death by hanging the news channels seemed to be lacking content because the only goddamn thing I remember seeing was either Donald Trump or Rosie O'Donnell explaining why one another is a horrible person. Being a sucker for pitiful celebrity feuds (remember Lindsay and Paris? Cunt! Fire crotch! Yippee!) I tuned in with the hope that it would provide similar golden comments. And unlike the lacking news this feud was filled with beautiful insults that will make any lawsuit a pain to decide as both are guilty of childish wit.

For those who strayed away from the news-and wisely so-the feud began when 'The Donald' granted Ms. USA a second chance with the crown after she was exposed as a drunken floozy who had a nose for coke. Rosie took such offense to this that she made it a talking point on The View, a show that she is now a member of. As most know The View is a horrific morning talk show that takes washed up and unknown women celebrities, giving them enough camera time to ramble and blather on about whatever warped or demented view they have. Any self respecting person can't watch the show for more than 5 minutes before having a minor stroke, but I decided to give it a whirl after news of the Trump vs. Rosie bout hit.

The initial punch thrown by the flabby Rosie consisted of calling Mr. Trump an immoral and constantly bankrupt horn dog. Donald then released a statement where he repeatedly called Rosie an unintelligent slob who is not attractive on the inside or on the outside. But what Donald seemed to take the most offense to was Rosie's claims of his bankruptcy, which were exaggerated by Rosie, however, one of Trump's lesser known companies did go under a few years back causing investors to be shit out luck as Trump was able to carry on with his business.

Now I think it is time that I act as the mediator in this hilarious and pathetic celebrity feud. First off let us begin by addressing the character of both the involved parties. Rosie O'Donnell is an extremely opinionated feminist who often makes bold statements simply to get a rise out of a people. She goes about acting as this strange kind of civil rights activist, but in most cases only hurts whatever it is she is trying to stand up for. For instance when Clay Aiken covered Kelly Ripa's mouth when he was filling in for Regis, Kelly made the statement, "Honey, don't touch me, god knows where that hand has been." Of course Rosie took this as an anti-gay attack and immediately spoke out against Kelly Ripa calling for a boycott of her show. Well Kelly immediately responded and ended up making Rosie look like the fool she is. The most annoying thing about Rosie is the fact that she seems to act so genuinely offended by the most petty and pointless things in what often appears as an attempt to gain media attention, which is probably the case.

Onto Donald Trump, the sue-happy billionaire who has had his share of trophy wives and failed business ventures. While he himself has never been personally bankrupt, a bunch of his sub-companies have met terrible financial ends. Since this is a character assessment that is a crucial little tidbit as many of his business partners in those smaller companies found themselves in a deep hole that they still have yet to climb out of. But my biggest problem with Donald is his massive ego. The man is a true slug of a human being as he surely can be found wafting the fumes of his own excrement after each visit to his gold toilet. Every little success this man enjoys is often spoken about as if Trump had just cured cancer. In most cases he is bragging about how he sued the pants off some clown dumb enough to stand up to him. And that is why I truly detest the man. Any person who will sue someone at the drop of a hat is pure scum. While he is charismatic and has a certain swagger that makes him seem like an alright kind of guy any deeper evaluation will show he is a pompous jackass. He is a rich pig and like pigs he should be thrown in the mud to serve out the rest of his life.

With Rosie and Donald now characterized it easy to see that the only sure solution is to pit these two disgraceful people in a fight to the death. Whoever comes out victorious will be allowed to live out their life, but with one catch. They must have their tongue removed because the world would be a better place without Rosie sharing her warped opinions or Donald bragging about how he just blew his nose or some other small feat that no one gives a shit about. In terms of reality this feud will end up in court by early 2007 and hopefully the judge throws them both in jail for being grown adults with the mentality of a greedy 6 year old.