Trust Issues Abound in All Survivors of Sexual Abuse

In 2001 my husband and I elected to move from our home in Indianapolis to the beautiful state of Tennessee. He had the opportunity to transfer with his company and we decided that his final few years of work time and the approaching retirement time would be best spent in Tennessee. We purchased our "retirement home" in May, 2002 and settled in. October 1, 2008 brought the retirement from my husband's job as a truck driver. We were delighted with the retirement and our home.

Life is Full of Twists and Turns
Something happened on the way to retirement, however. My husband had been experiencing a variety of health issues which had worsened through the years. Shortly after retirement the reality of his heath began to settle in and we soon recognized that he was no longer physically able to do the outside work on our present property. Because of diabetes, high blood pressure and heart problems along with the corresponding medications for these conditions, his energy level has greatly diminished, especially when trying to work outside in the heat and sunshine. Reality has a way of changing the course of life and ours was quickly changing.

Sometimes Life Throws Us a Few Curve Balls
The home we had so carefully chosen as our place of retirement is no longer working for us. To make a very long story as short as possible, I will tell you that we are now in the process of selling our Tennessee home and moving to north Georgia. In fact, we are moving onto the property of our first-born son and his lovely wife. We will be building our own home on the back of their property, sort of a ground level in-law apartment which is not attached to their home except under their roof (which is a requirement imposed by the City).

I must confess that there are times when this is very exciting to me and there are times when I am so confused and distressed by it that I am unable to sleep. My mind follows all the possibilities, both positive and negative. I understand the need we have in regard to my husband's health issues and they cannot be ignored. On another level, I also understand another need. That is the need for family. Living in Tennessee put us in a position of being away from all of our family. Of course, my family is so fractured because of the sexual abuse that abounds that I am happy to be separated from most of them. I am not, however, happy to be separated from my sons. I am a firm believer in allowing children to grow up, move away from mom and dad and make their own friends and their own lives. Yet when holidays roll around, it is not always possible for us to be together and my husband and I end up being alone most of the time. We do need family and all the interactions that make families work.

God Sets the Solitary in Families
When our older son married, he married into a large family that gets together quite often for family gatherings, cookouts, and of course, birthday celebrations for each member of the family. That is a lot of family interaction, compared to the interactions that I grew up with in my dysfunctional home. Our family was largely closed off and alienated without much interaction with other branches of the family tree.
One of the Bible verses that I learned about in 1997 when I first began the healing process for my childhood sexual abuse was Psalm 68:6 (NIV).

"God sets the lonely in families, He leads forth the prisoners with singing, but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."
I had a hard time wrapping my abused brain around that scripture for a long time, even though I noticed that God brought a variety of people across my pathway. Some of those people remained for a short time, some have remained for longer periods of time and some will likely remain for a lifetime. Each person brought healing to me in one way or another, sometimes without knowing they were helping me to heal.

Family - Who Needs 'Em?
For me to recognize my need for a loving, caring family is huge. I lived most of my life feeling alienated and alone. My emotions were numb so I failed to recognize my hunger for closeness.

Today, I need the family that God has chosen for me. God sets the lonely in families. I'm so glad He does that for us. This is another major healing period in my life and I recognize it for what it is.

God's Part and My Part
God's part in this process is to make good on His Word. I have no doubt that He is already doing that. My part is to simply trust God, my husband, my son and daughter-in-law and embrace this family that has already begun to embrace me. I say my part is simple, but as any abuse survivor knows, trust is never simple. The same push-pull always comes into play as I struggle to embrace and run away over and over again.

The Dead Tree
We have the remains of a very dead tree in our backyard. It was diseased and weakened and the strong winds of winter finally succeeded in blowing the top off of the tree. There remains a very ugly and jagged stump. I've looked at that stump over the past couple of months and as spring arrived, I looked at it carefully to see if there were any signs of life. Nothing. Then this morning, I noticed something that seemed to be growing near the top of the stump. My heart wanted to see new growth, but my husband assured me that the tree is completely dead and what I was seeing was a vine that had entwined around the dead tree stump.

It did not take long for the Holy Spirit to drive the point home to me. My life is like that stump, especially when it comes to family. My family is largely gone, yet there is the family that God has chosen for me and that family has already begun to entwine around this old dead stump of a person. New growth is springing forth and there is life and love embracing the deadness.

There remains much to do in order to make this move happen. However, when I realized that God was at work in me as we go through this process, I was able to embrace it with a sense of excitement. Healing the wounds of incest and childhood sexual abuse is truly a life-long process, and I am certain that the same push-pull will remain for a season. I am also certain that God is always faithful to His Word and He will bring me to a place of fulfillment within a family He has chosen for me.

Source: My Life