Try a Tropical Rehab: Marathon in the Florida Keys

Many celebrities have to resort to rehab in order to amend for their nefarious ways. The ever popular Betty Ford Clinic has competition from our local Guidance Clinic. Located in the tropical Florida Keys, Marathon may be the new rehab destination.

In the Florida Keys, drinking is not a pastime - it's a profession. The phrase, Islamarada, a quaint little drinking town with a fishing problem, is pretty appropriate. Marathon, where I live has a similar reputation. There is one thing that having that much alcohol flowing has done for Marathon. We have one of the finest rehab clinics in all the Keys.

While I yet to experience Keys Rehab, my lady friend is a graduate with honors. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, let's just say she did a little research for me. Thanks to her invaluable research I have this article to offer.

The Marathon Guidance Clinic is located on the Overseas Highway next door to the American Legion post. If you are not aware, American Legions posts are noted for servicing fine adult refreshments at a very reasonable price. The proximity of the Guidance Clinic to the American Legion is supposedly accidental. However, having a good rehab clinic within staggering distance of a popular watering hole is not a bad idea.

The Guidance clinic offers one stop shopping for most of your rehab needs. While specializing in alcohol rehab, the drug rehab program is prospering. In addition, mental health services are also available.

The cost for rehab is surprisingly low. At 3 bucks a day there is no cheaper room in the Keys. Space is limited so plan ahead and make reservations. The Clinic does have one rule that many visitors are not aware of, to be admitted your blood alcohol level has to be less than 0.30 percent. In the Keys, maintaining a 0.35 BAL is not uncommon. This requires approximately four hours of sobriety for reduction to the acceptable maximum BAL for admission to the Guidance Clinic. Standard rules are no sharp objects and you have to leave your cocktail at the door.

Accommodations in the clinic are quite comfortable. The plastic lined beds may require an adjustment period, but are very comfortable. Dining has left a little to be desired. The new chef refuses to learn the proper way to prepare Southern grits. I have been requested to teach the new chef the joy of Southern grits making. With proper Southern grits, the Guidance Clinic dining facilities may regain its 4 star rating.

Activities are somewhat dependent on the current guests. Sunbathing is always popular, but charades and other games require a fresh group of guests. The day two guests tend to get a touch cranky when losing.

It is not a bad idea to bring a fresh change of clothes for release. The staff at the Guidance Clinic will provide clean clothing on your release if needed. The Guidance Clinic staff is either color blind or they have a very dry sense of humor. The clothing they provide normally makes a very tongue in cheek fashion statement.

If you are planning you next rehab moment, perhaps you should consider Marathon in the Fabulous Florida Keys. Just up the road from Key West, where the phase, down on vacation, back on probation was made famous. The Marathon Guidance Clinic is affordable, effective and located in a tropical paradise.