Turkey of a Gift: The Perils of Secret Santa in the Workplace

Have you ever received a gift so bad that you can't even re-gift it? The idea of donating it to charity seems like cruel and unusual punishment for those that are already less fortunate?

During my first job out of college, I was informed in early December that my office would be holding a Secret Santa gift exchange. I was a bit hesitant to partake in the festivities since I had heard many a woeful tale of Secret Santa. Naturally, they couldn't require that we participate in the gift exchange but not doing so was, shall I say, frowned upon.

I didn't want to be frowned upon. This was my first job and everyone had been so nice to me. So, reluctantly I complied.

We gathered together to pick names. Happily, I pulled the name of a female coworker just about my age. Great, I thought. It would be easier to buy for her. This worked out perfectly since I had made it a personal goal not to buy a crappy present.

I began my search. I started paying extra attention to conversations I had with my coworker, trawling for clues and hints. I used my lunch hours to peruse local stores.

It was strange because no matter how much I looked for a present I just couldn't seem to find the perfect gift. I would find things that seemed too personal for a coworker or too big to bring into work. Or it would exceed the twenty dollar limit.

Despite my best efforts, time started ticking away. Before I knew it, the week of the party had arrived.

I was now in a frantic search for a Secret Santa present. I skipped lunch almost every day that week. I would run to stores as soon as I was done with work.

Finally, it was the day before the party. I still had zip! So I went to Hecht's after work. I remember walking through the store and an announcement came on that the store would be closing in fifteen minutes. Ahhhh!

I started to run. As I came around a corner there it was. Finally. The perfect present.

You know what? All these years later, I have no idea what it was. I just remember that at the time I felt relief, happiness and hunger - perhaps because I hadn't eaten lunch all week. But I know that present was perfect. It suited my coworker to a tee.

So I bought the present and hurried home to wrap it.

But as I walked into my apartment I realized I didn't have any wrapping paper. So out I went again to buy paper and bows. I am an excellent present wrapper and it was important for my coworkers to know that. Again, I don't remember why.

So after the trip to the store, the trek back home, the return trip out to find wrapping paper, the second trek back home and actually wrapping the present, I could rest. Too bad I did remember that I had also volunteered to make cookies for the party the next day. Well, who needs sleep around the holidays anyway.

During our holiday party we were told to gather in a circle and that it was time to open our Secret Santa presents. Everyone grabbed their packages and we assembled.

As I sat in the circle and watched everyone else open their gifts, I remembered thinking that no matter what I got, it was the thought that counts.

I watched as coworkers opened a variety of items. One person got a book and seemed really happy with it. Another person received holiday-themed pot holders, napkins and dish towels. Then someone opened the mother of all Secret Santa presents, a twenty dollar Starbucks gift card.

My heart started to race as we continued around the circle. I would be opening my present last. What would I get? Oh, how I hoped it would also be a Starbucks gift card!

My person opened her gift and was so excited that she jumped up and gave me a hug. All of my coworkers commented on my beautiful wrapping as well. Victory!, I thought as I finally started to come off the adrenaline that had kept me going after staying awake all night. Boy, I sure do wish I would get a Starbucks gift card so I could go get some caffeine.

Finally, it was my turn. The thought that counts. The thought that counts.

I began to unwrap my present; the same excitement I used to experience as a child consumed me. I got the paper off and opened the lid of the box.

A turkey.

A big, crystal turkey. A big, crystal, what-in-the-heck-am-I-supposed-to-do-with-this turkey!!!

The thought that counts????? This was a fifteen-inch crystal turkey statue. Not even a candy dish or a gravy boat. Well, I'm glad my thoughts didn't count since they were running the gamut from confusion to all out anger!

This holiday season marks seven years from that first venture into the land of Secret Santa gift giving. I have never entered a Secret Santa since that first turkey-laden one. But it always brings a sentimental smile to my face when I sit in the gift circle and watch as someone else opens their very own turkey of a gift.

Happy Holidays!