Turning 50 is an Invitation to AARP

Well, I finally reached the ripe old age of 50 this year and all the benefits associated with being half-a-century showed up in my mailbox. In fact, those benefits just keep showing up in my mailbox! You see, AARP now has my home address. Just like my ex-husband, they never even acted like existed. That is, until I turned 50. Now they are soliciting me almost every week. So far, I have received six different one-year membership requests since my birthday three months ago. To join AARP, all I have to do is register my membership for only $16. That is, only if I mail back the cash within a month.

Apparently, I have many membership benefits to look forward to. The personalized letter from Addison Barry Rand, CEO, says that AARP is fighting for my American dream. AARP must be misinformed: how do they know what my dream is because it sure isn't what they try to push through Congress! AARP is one of the largest lobbying groups in the United States, with actions that border on conflict-of-interest, as it licenses its name to insurance providers while lobbying for reform.

ARRP says that when I join, I will get a magazine, budget discounts on travel, hotels, airfares, cruises, and car rentals. Oh, and that's not all: I will get access to health-related benefits like eyewear discounts and group health insurance. AARP has even branched out into financial programs like credit cards and insurance offers. Translation: more sign-up-now-for-a-great-rate spam in my USPS mailbox. They also have community programs and volunteer opportunities. Am I reading this right...they sponsor a safe driving course?

So how do they know me? They certainly forgot to send me a birthday gift in May. I wouldn't be surprised if they bought my name from a magazine subscriber list. Could it be my subscription to National Geographic? InStyle magazine? Southern Living? I don't think those characterize me as being a senior citizen. I don't subscribe to Active Adult Magazine, Mature Living, or Senior Adult News either. You know, I am beginning to think AARP has spies who talk to my hairdresser. She is the only one who keeps trying to convince me to cover the gray.

AARP's mission is to "enhance the quality of life for all as we age, leading positive social change and delivering value to members through information, advocacy and service." There are 40 million members, all who probably got the "happy 50^th birthday - send $16" letter I did. Let's do a little math: 40 million times $16 works out to be $640,000,000 per month in subscriptions alone. On second thought, I really don't think AARP needs my paltry $16.

Yes, I do have some gray hair, but AARP is making me feel older than I am by reminding me that I do. I used to think AARP was for senior citizens. However, the older I get, I'm not sure whom AARP membership is for...but at 50 or any other age I know it's not for me.